An Open Letter To My Abusive Ex-Boyfriend

You hurt me more than you will ever know. Both mentally and physically, you broke me down until I was nothing but a shell of a person I did not recognize. You knew I had Insecurities, but instead of helping me overcome them, you just fed the fire and watched me burn.

You knew I was weak and you preyed upon that. You called me names and swore at me. You manipulated and gaslighted me, making me feel like I was the crazy one. You lied to me and got me to do things I never thought I would do. You threatened my life and put me in dangerous situations on more than one occasion. You caused some of my darkest days and dragged me down to the depths of rock bottom.

When you laid hands on me, you made me believe that I deserved it. I told myself things like “It could have been worse” or “It only happened a few times.” I let myself believe that I had done something wrong and that it was somehow all my fault.

At the time I was too defeated and broken to see just how toxic our relationship was. Thankfully, I had people who cared about me enough to save me. They helped me see that what we had was far from love.

Fast forward, and it has now been a year since I got away from you. Although so much time has passed, sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. For a while, I so desperately wanted an apology from you. I wanted you to admit the things you did to me. Knowing that apology would never come took a long time for me to come to terms with.

Some days are harder than others, but I am healing, and that is all I can ask for. I cannot go back in time and rewrite our story, but I can take what I learned from the trauma and make sure that it never happens again. I know now that I will never let someone talk to me the way you did. I know that no man has the right to ever lay a hand on me the way that you did. I know that It doesn’t matter if it happens once or a million times—it is NEVER okay. I will never again stand by and let someone destroy my mind, body, and spirit the way you did.

I was lucky to get away, and I hope that anyone reading this who may be in a similar situation has the strength to get out too. No one deserves to be physically, mentally, or emotionally abused. You are not alone.