A Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend About My Sexuality

Dear you,

First and foremost, hello. I know you probably were not expecting this message, but it’s something that’s been on my mind for quite a while now. In our five years of being each other’s, I was open with you about nearly everything I typically hide from everyone else – my father’s alcoholism, my crippling anxiety, my fears of failure and not being good enough to succeed in this world (just to name a few). But there was one thing I kept to myself for the entirety of our relationship. My sexuality.

I want you to know that I did not deliberately hide this part of me from you. When you and I decided to be each other’s, I thought I was only capable of being attracted to men. To you. But while we were growing together, I was beginning to discover a whole different part of me that I didn’t even know existed, and truthfully, I was scared. I didn’t know how to express this to you, especially since we both come from Catholic households and educations. Would I have freaked you out had I shared that I might be attracted to women as well? What would your family have said behind my back about it? Would you still have wanted to be with me? I guess we’ll never know those answers, but just know that I was living inside my head a lot in that final year of us being together.

I know I was not present much of the time when we were in each other’s company. I made excuses and prioritized other things, and that wasn’t fair. I began spending more time with my sorority sisters, one of whom I had a massive crush on and would later go on to date after we broke up. I began watering a potential relationship with her instead of nourishing the one I had with you and I sincerely apologize for not giving you the best of me the way you did for me.

You were an all-star. You were patient. You gave me space when I needed it. You made me laugh, always showed up for me, and watched Despicable Me with me as many times as I wanted without complaint. I could never in a million years speak a bad thing about you, and I know that may not be the case for you regarding me, but I understand. I’ll always care for you and be grateful for our time together.

Thank you for a really good five years, but more importantly, thank you for helping me to grow into the version of myself that I am today.

With love always,


About the author

Insider info, secrets, confessions, and guilty pleasures. You write it. We publish it.

Submit here.

Follow Anonymous on Facebook or read more articles from Anonymous on Thought Catalog. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.