Could we have pretended it was real, like there was no one else but us? Could we have pretended everything was alright and spent our time as if it was going to last forever? All those memories I thought would never be the last we would make, now I hold on to them tight.
Five months have slipped away, summer fading into cold, the sound of your voice still familiar in my head. Your laughter, your smile, the looks you gave me that meant a thousand words, I miss it all. I miss you. I didn’t want to anticipate an end to whatever this was between us, but everything about us strangely felt fragile even though our bond felt strong — until you made me question all that time we ever spent together.
I’m tired of pretending you meant nothing to me when our flame burned bright. No one was around to witness it, and now I have to remain silent while you talk behind my back in the shadows. No one knew how we stumbled upon a rare connection with one another, had conversations for hours and hours, and laughed at meaningless jokes until we cried.
I’m tired of rethinking the same memories, going back to where it all went wrong and wishing I could have fixed it somehow, but I can’t. As the days go by, the distance grows and grows. The person who I once knew everything about became a stranger again.
I could’ve spent forever in your presence, but maybe our taste of forever was to be short-lived.
Our days were numbered, the writing was on the wall, but we chose to ignore it even when we were walking on a thin line. And eventually, the line broke beneath us.
Do you think you will ever speak to me again? Don’t you think about my voice and the way I laughed, and how everything we did together just seemed bigger than life? At the time, you made me the best version of myself, and it was only after you were gone that I realized you took away a part of me, too.
This place, this city, even the sunshine reminds me of you. Driving on an empty road through downtown past midnight, the quiet and darkness seeps through my body and weaves its way into my mind.
No amount of vodka running through my veins after a night out can dilute the pain and the emptiness you left in my heart and soul. No songs can drown out the deafening sound of my thoughts, and no amount of closure can make me forget all your lies. These days, I’d rather be sober and stay in touch with my emotions and allow myself to feel the hurt, the doubt, and the sadness.
The person you were back then isn’t who you are now. I wanted to believe in you, and after you left, I held on to that hope for so long that you would come around. I don’t want to hear your excuses or your “I miss you” now, when nothing in the end proved you meant a single thing. I don’t want to hear your lies anymore. You weren’t there to have my back when I needed it most.
What you told other people about me made my heart break, my skin numb, and my body ache in ways I’ve never experienced before. You didn’t care whether those words got back around to me, even though you used to confide in me all the time and I believed you to be trustworthy. You were my best friend, after all.
In the end, you only wanted to save yourself, and it was like we never knew each other at all.
I have come to realize that it’s futile to hope every day that you’ll reappear in my life, wondering whether your words will fix what we had, instead of breaking me further. I will put myself together, I will stop waiting, and I’ll remember that I don’t need closure to start healing.
For now, this is goodbye. Please don’t come back to me unless you have taken the time to reflect on what we had and finally decide to be genuine with your words and your actions.
I wish you only the best, always know that.