All My Furthest Thoughts Lead Back To You

Our time was short. We crashed and burned in the blink of an eye, one night changing everything. You’re back in the arms of another, and I lie alone in the darkness, staring at the ceiling at 2am.

The place you once had next to me, in my bed, by my side, walking up the road in the sunset light, all of it feels like it never existed. It was real, but you turned it into mere memories with your selfishness, memories now shattered on the ground and tainted with lies.

I memorized the little details of your life, day by day. I memorized the shattered glass doors at the entrance to your building, the button on the elevator panel taking me up to the 8th floor, and your place right around the corner when I stepped out.

I memorized where everything was in your room, memorized the shirts you wore, especially the ones you ended up buying after I made you try them on. I memorized the small shelf where you kept your wine glasses, where they collected dust until we started sharing bottles of wine on evenings together.

Yet, after all this pain, I yearn for your once-familiar embrace bringing me in close to your chest, your hands on my hips pulling me towards you, and your arm around me on a dark night. I would trade a thousand tomorrows just to have another morning, waking up to see your face lit by the light of dawn.

I miss you. I never wanted to say goodbye, I never wanted to see you walk away. I would make this right in any way I could, and I would do anything to have one more day with you again. But deep down in my heart, I know it’s exactly the opposite of what I need. You won’t be coming back because your heart isn’t with me, and sometimes that truth hurts. 

Lying awake for another hour, my mind wanders in circles and confused paths. No matter what time of day it is, somehow even all my furthest thoughts lead right back to you.

I’m sorry to see you go. But if a voice in your head reminds you of me sometime in the future, I will be here. I’ll be here waiting to see you one more time.