First things first, I grew up in Georgia. Being from the south means the concept that I am attracted to women is already shameful, or at least it’s weird, right? That’s what 16-year-old me thought.
“I could never act on this; this is not how I am supposed to feel.”
The typical story of being afraid to confront who you really are because the world around you is judgmental and cruel. But the obstacle I have struggled with more was not accepting that I like women, but that I like men and women. Why is it that I feel more struggle telling a woman I am bisexual than I do telling anyone I like women, period?
I’m in a serious relationship with the most loving man I have ever met in my life. He is who I consider my forever. To be honest, I never would have grown into this love for women like I have without him. I have always been terrified of the concept that a woman would complete me. Not because it was something I didn’t want, but because I was worried about what my family and friends would think. I have been attracted to men my whole life but my exploration of my attraction to women didn’t come until my early 20s.
Tyler has been my biggest supporter. He doesn’t support me in the way that teenage boys fantasize about being with more than one woman; he supports me in the way of giving me my freedom to explore this side of myself on my own. He gave me the freedom and the confidence I never knew I needed, all while standing right by my side and loving me for exactly who I am. So when I have everything I could ever want, what’s the big deal?
Society has shamed and molded such a connotation around the concept of loving or being with more than one person. We have convinced ourselves as human beings that there is only one person on the entire planet that could be right for us and they are just so happen going to cross our paths at the perfect moment to make everything right in the world. Statistically, that’s insane. Emotionally, why are we so set on limiting ourselves to the love of one person? Why are we so obsessed with the concept that we all only deserve the love one person can give and it is a betrayal to accept anything else? Why are we depriving ourselves from the one thing everyone in life is searching for?
So as a woman who is attracted to and interested in both men and women, I’ve found forever when it comes to men. Tyler is it and my interest in any other man has faded. It wasn’t anything that Tyler or I forced but it happened. He’s the warrior my soul always needed, and I am so thankful for him. But for all the reasons I love Tyler are the exact reasons why I am still attracted to women. While Tyler and I have it figured out, telling another women that I meet in a bar or out in town somewhere that I have a boyfriend but I like her as well is like shooting myself in the foot. I understand everyone isn’t interested in the polyamory concept of life but why are things like, “take you and your creep boyfriend and gtfo” or, “if you’re in a relationship, I’m reporting you” plastered all over dating apps for women? I’m not lying about what I’m doing, I’m not betraying anyone’s trust, and I’m not faking a situation… but yet, opinions are created before the conversation even starts.
But isn’t that life?
I just expected a different experience from a community who claims to be so accepting. Why are we shaming people who are just like us? Why are we creating outsiders when we are already considered the outsiders? Why are we shaming people who we constantly preach support of?
Note: All names have been changed.