I’ve Fallen In Love With A Married Man

8 months ago this man claimed the desk in front of me at our office. Admittedly, I noticed how attractive he was as we completed the standard co-worker introduction. Fast-forward to a few months we’re comfortable together, we’re flirting, and messaging each other all day. I felt myself thinking of him as more than a co-worker and wanted to develop a friendship outside of office hours. Because of this desire, I added him on Snapchat so we could continue our messaging after hours. Although our Snapchat messaging was innocent flirting, it was nice to have a peek of each other’s real lives.

A few months later, I was traveling for work and became lonely in my hotel room. I had the idea to check in on my co-worker. We ended up messaging until the early hours, our conversation easily flowing. My week of travel continued on and our connection began to miss him.

The day I returned to work, we had a snowstorm and he offered to drive me home. We ended up sitting in his car for almost an hour and shared our first kiss before I got out of his car. I ran upstairs to my apartment that I share with my boyfriend and pretended like nothing had happened. But on the inside, my heart was racing and I felt butterflies. We were lucky enough that the bad weather continued for a few weeks, my co-worker continually driving me home and us sharing a kiss before returning to our normal lives.

Little did I know that this was only the beginning of our love affair.

Our Snapchat messaging continued over the next several months from flirting to talking like significant others. One drunken night, I ended up sending him some “sexy” photos; I loved the way he reacted to me that we ended up having a sexual conversation the rest of the night. Discussing how much we wanted to be alone together and the explicit things we wanted to do to each other.

We were messaging consistently through the workday and in the evenings discussing our feelings for each other, our desire to be together, and our connection. He was the first person I thought of when waking up and my last thought at night. We would be cuddled up next to our partners but pouring our hearts out to each other. Spilling the intimate details of our lives and growing closer together but drifting from the ones that matter most. Daily, we would decide to end it and focus on our love for our significant others and then we would end up falling right back into our old ways.

One day we realized just how deep we were falling. We had to end our affair so we decided to only talk about work and move on with our lives. Not after hours messaging about our deep desire for each other and no longer living a double life. Until a few days later, when our boss informed us we would be traveling for work together. We had wanted to have a night alone together for so long and we were just handed a night by our company. Fate was bringing us together and we were back on, our affair progressing faster than ever.

The day for our work trip came, I packed some sexy lingerie to impress my co-worker and kissed my boyfriend goodbye with the message “I’ll see you in 3 days, love you!”

My co-worker and I were in meetings all day but messaging each other about how excited we were to be alone together, finally able to touch each other the way we both longed too. The day went by so slow, every meeting lasting longer than the next until finally, we were driving back to our hotel. I sent him a message with my room number and 15 minutes later he was at my door. I greeted him in my lingerie and we began to get intimate with each other. Between the sex and the kissing, we would talk about how much we liked each other, our special bond, but how we could never be together. The sex was incredible, he was incredible, and I was falling deeply in love.

I woke up reminding myself that I was sleeping with a woman’s husband. I should not be falling deeply in love with a married man. I should be having amazing sex with my long-term boyfriend and falling deeper in love with him. This affair with my co-worker needed to end.

So the other day, we shared what I believe to be our last kiss. That night, we confessed our feelings for each other but truly realized that we could never be together.

We currently have blocked each other on Snapchat and have slowed down our messaging.

I have no idea what the future is going to bring but I know I’ll be seeing him on Monday. Thought Catalog Logo Mark