7 Signs You’ve Been A Shitty Friend (And Maybe Didn’t Even Realize It)

girls gossiping
Ben White

Think about a moment where you’ve encountered a shitty friend. How did it make you feel? Did the friend “forget” to invite you to their wedding? Show up one-two hours late every time you two had plans? Excitingly spill your deepest secrets to complete strangers?

After years of noticing common patterns in all shitty friendships, I thought that just maybe all you shitty friends out there deserve the benefit of the doubt. Just maybe you don’t really know you’re being shitty. Or you do and just don’t care! Either way, here are seven signs you’re dealing with a shitty friend right now or have been one yourself and quite frankly, should know better.

1. Gossiping is unwise.

Please stop believing that your trolling comments will go unheard of. That’s just being naive, since 99% of gossip circles back to the person it was about in the first place. Not many people can keep secrets and clearly, you’re one of them. Shame on you for calling yourself a friend, you jerk.

2. Lying isn’t funny.

Since when has lying ever gotten anyone anywhere? So next time you have a friend bothering you, approach them kindly, try to work it out, and free yourself from needing 100 more lies just to keep the first one afloat.

3. Fakers are stinky.

Don’t pretend to like someone, it can be evil and tremendously heartbreaking for the other person when they find out you don’t. If there is a problem between you two, see if you can come to a solution. If not, it’s best to be civil but go your separate ways in a transparent manner. Why waste time pretending to like a friend when you can instead be friends with someone you actually like?

4. Jams of jealousy.

Do you always tune into your friend’s conflicts but go M.I.A when they receive any level of happiness? If your friend has been accepted into their dream academic program, gotten a promotion at work, adopted a pet, gotten engaged, successfully published something, or even bought a new bike, say something nice! For goodness gracious, stop being that bitch that loves misery and can’t stand someone’s success.

5. You’re a flaker!

Is this the third time you’re rescheduling plans because you wanted to stay home and watch Netflix? Be courteous of other’s time and don’t lie about it. If you don’t want to hang out, don’t make plans in the first place and opt out of being a flaker. You’ll save yourself from looking stupid and disrespectful while your friend can now schedule hangouts with other, nicer people.

6. Critical caterpillars.

Are you always the critic in the friendship watching your friend’s every mistake and not-so-etiquette behavior? Stop. We’re all human and we can’t do everything right ALL the time. However, if it’s a negative pattern that’s impacting the friendship, then make time to communicate about it candidly and respectfully. Criticizing just leads to lowered self-esteem. Communicating leads to solutions.

7. Psychologist, anyone?

We get it. Friends are listening ears and shoulders to cry on when life gets rough. So although the occasional vent is okay, skip out on two-hour “I have so many problems” sessions every time you two hang. If you do have deep-rooted issues that need healing, opt in for counseling and never be ashamed of getting help! When you help yourself by finding professional support, you’re taking healthy steps to your recovery and that’s amazing.

Main point: Starting today, you can either choose to add to the present crappiness of our world OR you can be a kind, decent human being. You’ll sleep much better at night and attract some positive karma along the way. You’ll also stop wasting other people’s time in partaking in fake friendships while saving your own energy that could otherwise be spent on doing things that actually make you happy. It’s a win-win for everyone. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog