Everything in my life is going good. But I regret marrying at the age of 25. Let me take you to the year 2004. I was studying my post graduation and had made plans of getting a Doctorate degree in the future. Being the youngest child in my family, my parents were aging and wanted me to get settled. (Settled in India means to get married.) Being a loving and caring daughter, my parents’ happiness was my priority.
Let me clarify that they never forced things on me. But obviously, the last call was mine. They never encouraged me to stay single. They always said, ‘complete Ph.D. and get a job and then get married’.
They asked me if I liked somebody and I said my marriage was their decision. I had only a few conditions. I wanted to get married to the man who had no issues with my further studies and dreams related to my career.
A groom, who is located in a place where I can pursue my further education. Luckily, things happened according to my wishes. He was educated, well settled, and good looking, encouraging and of course he fulfilled my above-mentioned conditions.
We got married; I got enrolled for Ph.D. in one of the best universities in India. A few years later, we were blessed with a baby, everything was going on perfectly, but today I just regret my decision of marrying at the age of 25 because other than this superficially perfect life lays the imperfections that only I know of. Because of our own engagements, his job, my career, we have spent very less quality time with each other.
Whatever little time we have spent together, half of it has been ruined in misunderstandings, fights, quarrels, blame game, crying, screaming and what not.
I don’t blame it entirely on him or me but I blame it on my age. Yes, the age of getting married. Fresh out of college, no relationships, no politics, no emotional games, I knew nothing and entered into the institution of marriage with a Bollywood kind of a dream that love makes everything perfect. No, it doesn’t. It fades in few years. My mistake was that I entered my life around my happiness, being with him, making him happy; doing things for him was my sole idea of happiness.
I never knew that too much love is taken for granted. If we had a fight, he used to stop talking to me. I felt like my life was ruined. I used to cry my heart out and his hug was the only cure. I was completely dependent upon him for my happiness. Now here we are, after 6 years of marriage, if I look back, I can count days on my fingers when we have had a great time. He doesn’t ever understand me. There is a huge communication gap between us. I have stopped sharing my feelings with him. Yes, I still cry at times but I have learned to remain happy. I’m happy for myself, my career, my baby.
I wish I didn’t get married so early and first learned the art of emotional play, learned to survive relationships and most importantly to love myself first than anybody else.
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