First of all, thank you. I wouldn’t be dating such a wonderful woman if not for you. She’s amazing. I don’t even know where to start…
There’s so many things to love about her, from her weird quirks and habits to her god damn beautiful smile. Like how the ratio of 100s and 1000s to her ice-cream is 100:1, and she eats them without giving two fucks of what the world thinks of her. Or how she makes cucumber sandwiches, I mean, who even eats that? Not forgetting how she can eat desserts for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But beyond all these, I fall in love with her each day.
God, she’s one hell of an amazing person. Getting to know her was the best day of my life, falling in love with her was even greater. But… Nothing hurts more than finding out that the woman you love, ‘shut her doors’. Why? There may be a thousand and one reasons why. But it doesn’t matter and I can’t blame her, what matters is what you did. You had it easy mate. So bloody easy. You don’t know how lucky you were to have been loved by her. But, your ruined her. See, I shouldn’t be pointing fingers at someone else BUT because of you, she’s scared of love and to love again. Then again, it could be a bias accusation. Maybe she’s scared to love me for who I am.
To hear the person you like or love tell you to move on and find someone better because they closed their doors on finding love again, is not something you ever want to hear. For someone to say that; to refuse to be loved or to fall in love, would suggest that they have been through a great deal. It wasn’t okay for me, it wasn’t okay to hear her tell me she isn’t worth falling in love with. It wasn’t okay for me to hear her say “I’m sorry but I’ve closed my doors on love”. And there’s no one else to blame except for you. You were her last boyfriend. Despite her words, I stayed. I stayed and till today I am still working hard every day to make her see how worthy she is of love.
AND IT’S HARD. IT IS SO HARD. I may sound like a guy being such a baby and complaining about every single thing but I don’t understand how you could hurt her. She suffered, she suffered for years. You seemed fine, you went on and lived your life. Today, I can’t crack my knuckles, in fear that she would think I wanted to hit her. I can’t talk about a future with her, she has her walls up. I have to think twice, sometimes thrice, before I say something; just to make sure she doesn’t get reminded of what you did. I could go on and on. Despite all this, I still love her every single day. I admit, at times it gets really hard and I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. But if it’s a fight for her to realise her worth and to be able to stand next to her in 10-20 years time and say “we made it”, I’d fight for her a thousand more times.
But thank you. I don’t know if I should actually be thanking you for hurting her. If not, she wouldn’t have learned something valuable. Thank you for not appreciating all the things she did for you, because she doesn’t do them for anyone anymore and you were the ‘lucky last one’. Thank you because if not for you I wouldn’t have met her. I wouldn’t have met my soulmate. With all these being said, I will love the girl you hurt so badly. I will love her for all the she is and support her in anything she wants to do. I will make her see that not everybody out there is out to hurt her. And I hope one day, she can fall in love without fear.