The Soulmate You Will Never Marry

Clem Onojeghuo

If you’re the type of person who believes soul mates are not the people we marry, or even the people we fall in love with—bless you.

My fingers are exhausted from typing and my mouth is annoyed of having to explain, “no, we’re just friends.”

“But why?”

Simple.

My soul recognizes the good in his, and reminds him to unapologetically love it. And it’s not because of what he gives me in return, or how he makes me feel, or to be honest, even how he treats me.

The scale by which a soul measures its mate is different that the scale on which romantic love falls. And maybe, you’ve never found it. Or maybe you too got tired of answering the question “why.”

But for the past 9 years, this friend has been by my side. He’s given me more tough love that I’ll need for a lifetime. He’s called me out when the values I had expressed where wavering. He’s reminded me that when nothing else seems good, to look within.

The standard of our friendship has never been viewed by expectations, or rules. We have never forced opinions on each other, or held each other to the standards we’ve set for ourselves. He’s cheered me on in love, and lifted me up in heartbreak. He has honestly and deliberately protected and encouraged the light that he recognizes in me.

He’s my person. And while we disagree on fundamental things that would destroy a romantic relationship, or even a friendship, we don’t blink or argue, trying to convince the other they’re wrong. We’re both too passionate and too deeply analytical to share the same space for too long, but when we take breathers, resetting and realigning the things that make us, us, we always return, usually with more respect than before. Never needing to explain why, or how our words and emotions developed, but agreeing to see that soul light in each other, that we’ve always admired.

Looking to impress each other is never on our minds. Because no amount of bad could make us leave, and no amount of good could make us more than what we are. Static and consistent are words this life offers less than we’d really like, but soul mates are eternal. He’s someone who recognizes every bit of me without evaluating how it works in his life. He sees me deeply, without making me feel exposed, and on the surface, without making me feel neglected.

As I know it, soul mates of pieces of different puzzles that for moments in time, fit together, while never expecting what the final image will be.

I choose to leave out much of our relationship from people I encounter or share my life with. Mostly because I know unless they too have found their soul mate, they see us as simple-minded, secret, hopeless romantics, too stubborn to be in love. But as we both get older, find the kind of love that you do argue with, or hold accountable, we realize how unique this light-honoring thing we have truly is. Because the love that keeps you up at night, that you devote your life to, the romantic kind—it’s messy, it’s difficult, and often times, it breaks you more than you ever thought was possible.

It’s the moments when romantic love shuts the door and leaves you in the dark, that you forget how to recognize your own light. And that is when having a soul mate is life’s greatest gift.TC mark

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