When He Begged Me For Pictures, I Should Have Said No

Josh Felise

Dear past,

I’m convinced that you’ll never leave me alone. For I’ve let you reside in me, take a roller coaster ride in my heart.

Dear ex,

I’m convinced that you’ll never leave me, You’ll never leave my thoughts, stop causing me so much pain, stop haunting me. We started off as friends, sharing our views on our culture, bilateral relationships between your country Pakistan and my country India.

It was all going good until you started playing your tricks — flirting with me, praising my attitude. You lied so honestly that you loved me from the bottom of your heart, you wanted to hold my hand till the end of time, wanted to visit every place on earth with me. I was foolish, I didn’t realize that you were merely quoting Bollywood dialogues.

You were Muslim, I was Hindu.
You were Pakistani, I was Indian.
You were 19, I was 15.

Nothing mattered, nothing came to my mind except love when I thought of you. It was a strange feeling, everything felt like magic and you were my Prince Charming. When I trusted you and gave the green signal to let our friendship flourish in the garden of love, you showed me the real side of you.

Flirting was over. Praising was over. Liking my attitude was over. The one who was so concerned about me, my health, my studies, my family, everything, he was lost. I saw a new person that day…

That person didn’t care if I was sick, he wanted only pictures of me, He didn’t want me to talk to anyone, not even my girlfriends. Only he could flirt with them.

He didn’t want me to concentrate on my studies, he wanted me to chat with him all night despite the fact that I had to go to school everyday while he happily rested at home in the morning. He called me a moron when I asked him to concentrate on his studies, he was thrown out of the college for low attendance.

All of which I digested silently cuz all I wanted was our eternal love and his happiness. My health wasn’t so good, I used to fall sick frequently, I was sleep deprived. No problem if my jaanu was happy, that was all I wanted.

When he asked me for nudes, I said no at first…And he stopped talking to me.

I said sorry.
I said I’m not ready.
I said this is not correct.
But all he wanted were my pictures.

I couldn’t see him disappointed, so I finally sent him something.

He was delighted, he loved it.
But I was so uncomfortable,
not knowing what to do next.

I didn’t have the strength to act like his puppet anymore, but I didn’t have the strength to break up with him either.

Then came the biggest shock of my life.

I got to know that he had pictures of many girls like me.
He had no true love for anyone.
He just acted for his own pleasure.

When I asked him to accept his mistake, he gave me a disgusting reply. He said I was different and that he wanted me for a whole lifetime as his wife. But he had one condition — he wanted more pictures, that were fully nude this time.

Ohh not again. I couldn’t hurt my self-respect once more. I refused, and he threatened to leak my pictures. But I couldn’t make one more mistake and make the situation worse. I was petrified, but I had to be strong,

I told him that those weren’t my real pictures and that I didn’t expect this from him. He said that he was kidding and he wouldn’t leak the pictures and that all he wanted was to see me fully naked.

NO! was my answer and without waiting for a reply, I reported his id and blocked him.

Then I deleted my account and created a new id and started to move on.
It’s been 1 year since then.
He doesn’t know my name.
Well, he didn’t care about my name anyway, all he wanted was my body.

This experience taught me a lot — not to trust an unknown person and especially not to love an unknown.

Those memories hurt me day in day out.
They haunt me even in my dreams.

I can only hope that one day,
I’ll be able to completely move on.
By leaving behind those bad memories and achieving my goal to join IAF and make my parents proud.

Until then, I have to suffer in silence. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This story was brought to you by AkkarBakkar.

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