I Don’t Miss You

Chad Madden

I don’t miss you. I miss our easy banter. The quick-witted back and forth that came so naturally. The way you understood my jokes without needing an explanation and could give it right back. The comfortable way our conversation ebbed and flowed effortlessly for hours.

I don’t miss you. I miss having someone to have fun with. To go skating with, to try new things with, and to laugh with for hours. To learn new things from. To meet new people and go new places with. To cuddle up next to with no trace of self-consciousness. To snuggle into when I’m sleepy, and hold hands with when I’m happy. To look up and smile at while walking down the street, excited about where we’re going. Someone to be proud of and to tell others about shyly, trying to suppress my smile.

I don’t miss you. I miss having someone to talk to about my day. To tell about the weird customer at work and my crazy professor at school. I miss having someone to listen to me, someone who’s genuinely interested in what I have to say. Who asks questions and makes me think about things in new ways, to step back and see the world differently.

I don’t miss you. I miss having someone to dream about a future with. Someone to plan dates with, to take to weddings, to introduce to family and friends. Someone to tell people about quietly, afraid to be too excited too soon. Someone to tell me about his day and ask my opinion. Someone to ask random questions. Someone to think cheesy philosophical thoughts with.

I don’t miss you. I miss what we were and what I saw we could’ve been. I miss knowing someone who understands me so easily. I miss my excitement at the potential I saw in us. I miss feeling like there was someone in my corner, cheering for me and taking on the world with me. Someone who wanted to spend lazy Sundays with me and date nights downtown. Someone who wanted to share his life with me and share in mine.

I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you at all. And I’m going to keep telling myself that until it becomes true. Because someday it will. TC mark

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