I was saving my virginity for the right person.
I am a hopeless romantic, yes, but really, I just wanted to wait. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, with the perfect person, you know, all those cheesy shit 20-something virgins say. I know all of those things, clearly I was a virgin for a long time too, and I held on to all of them for a long time. I know the feeling of being called a prude. I know the feeling of saying no to every single boyfriend I have ever had and feeling like shit every single time. I know the feeling of being a virgin for more than twenty years.
And today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. We have known each other for more than a decade, but we’ve been together for only a couple of months. It’s a long story, let’s save that for another anonymous article.
I am in love with him. I don’t know if the relationship will last forever, but I feel so connected with him more than I have ever felt connected with anyone before, and that made me lose myself and my virginal mindset. I just went for it. And it was such a foreign concept to me, that I almost laughed out loud while doing it. What the fuck just happened?
I felt silly for waiting. I felt stupid for not waiting longer. I felt like the dumbest person to even think about it now when I know I cannot do anything anymore, I cannot change what I did, it was my choice and it felt good.
So now what? Two days ago, I was telling my friend that I am waiting for as long as I can. And I did wait. But when the right moment comes, which you will surely know, you just have to go for it (if you’re ready). Because I realized–life is so short to not be having sex with someone you truly love.
Was it scary? Hell yeah, it was. Is it a mistake? I don’t know. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But really, if you don’t do it, then how will you know if it truly is a mistake? How will you know how it will affect you if you don’t go for it, just do it and be happy? There are things in life that you are too afraid to try, but in your heart, you really want to. If you love the person and you know he loves you, whatever could go wrong? Okay, the relationship could go to waste and then you’d end up heartbroken and all. But, at least, you were able to enjoy the moment with that person. You were able to actually tear your walls down (and your vaginal walls?) to be able to be free from all that fear you have been holding on to all your life. Go have sex (with someone you LOVE). You’re missing out on all the fun!
And hey, at least, you won’t die a virgin.