I was deeply in love with a girl that I had dated for 9 and a half months. We fell in love very quickly, and we stayed in love for months. Of course we had our disagreements, but one thing that was certain was that we were in love. Until we weren’t. We had discussed marriage and kids, not as something that we daydreamed about as people in relationships often do, but as a fact. We knew with all our heart that we were going to spend our lives together. We set a timeframe for when we were going to get engaged even after the “honeymoon” phase had worn off. There was no doubt in my mind that we would get married.
Then towards the last couple of months, things started deteriorating. We both had a lot going on, and I lived out of state. We were both under a lot of stress and we allowed that to seep into our relationship. We started to argue about petty things and both became unhappy. We finally admitted that we were unhappy, but we didn’t want to break up. We loved each other and planned our entire future together. I was moving back to the same city very soon and a lot of things that had been stressing us out were coming to an end, so I just figured that we could work through it until then. I knew that once I got back, it would be the true test of our relationship.
However, things continued to get worse. I was unhappy more than I was happy, and so was she. Two weeks before I moved back, I suggested that we take a break to which she responded that we need to just be done. She said that we lost ourselves and we needed to spend time apart. We didn’t need to be together “right now”. We needed to get ourselves straight if we were ever going to make it.
I was wrecked until she texted me three days later to talk about things. She said she did want to get back together, but she didn’t want to give me a false sense of hope. So we agreed to be friends talking every few days. I took that time to work on myself and my happiness outside of her. In my mind though, we were getting back together. No doubt. I didn’t even question if I actually wanted to. I knew that we had been so in love at one point, so we could get that back. We just needed to take a step back to gain clarity. Three weeks pass by with us texting every now and then but never seeing each other. Then I get a text that she made up her mind, and she has decided not to get back together with me. I knew that we would not be getting back together soon, but I thought that we would in the future. I then find out that she had been on a date. I was hurt, but I didn’t have the gut wrenching pain like I did when we broke up. I didn’t cry like I did after we broke up. It was strange.
Thinking about her with someone else didn’t really sting. I was angry of course, but it was more shock than anything which seemed unusual. I didn’t understand how she could tell me she wanted to get back together and then go on a date with someone else. I didn’t want to accept it. I wanted to justify everything by saying that she was going through something. Things ended pretty rough after I received that text from her. A couple weeks later I wrote a long, heartfelt letter saying my goodbye and thanking her for our relationship and everything I learned from it.
I said I know that our love was real, and I will always take that with me. I then received a detached, short response from her saying she was glad I was doing so well and wished nothing but the best. It was insulting to say the least. It was as if we had gone on a few dates but things didn’t work out.
How could she be so detached and emotionless towards me after everything we had been through? Was she trying to suppress the love we once had? How could she have already gone on a date? After stopping with the why’s and how’s I finally realized that the girl I fell in love with isn’t there anymore. That’s not to say that she is a worse person, but I no longer recognized the girl I spent 9 months with. I know that she has an incredible heart, but that was the only thing I knew for certain.
I didn’t understand how you could have love like we did and then just give up on it so easily. How could someone just change their feelings for you so quickly. At first I started questioning our entire relationship. Did I really ever know her? When she said that she would stick with me through thick and then, or that we were so much better together then we would ever be apart, was that all a lie? It would honestly be easier to believe it was a lie. I didn’t want to accept that the one thing I had never been more sure of in my life didn’t work out like I thought. It’s better than accepting that people who truly love each other can grow apart. I didn’t want to accept that this amazing girl who I planned to spend the rest of my life with was no longer going to be a part of my life. It’s better than the cruel reality that love isn’t enough.
However, love isn’t always enough. You have good days and you have bad days. You can’t run away in difficult times. You have to work your ass off, but it is so worth it. The person who fights for you, who sticks by your side, that’s the person you are meant to be with. If you are going through a heartbreak I know you don’t want to hear this, but what is meant to be will be. Do not live in the past or the future. Live in the day that God gave you and cherish it. Focus on yourself, and love will eventually come your way.