1. Put yourself first.
You resent him for wasting your time. You put everything you had into the relationship, so when it ended, you felt lost. If you gave yourself half of what you gave him, this breakup wouldn’t have destroyed you the way that it did. Get your nails done. Make time for friends. Go to the gym. Eat right. Focus on your career.
2. Always trust your instincts.
It’s like you have a 6th sense for infidelity. For a while before the truth came out, part of you knew he was sleeping with someone else. But you ignored it. Never asked the questions you were too afraid to have answers to. You thought that forgiving him would be easier than losing him, but you were dead wrong.
3. Know your worth.
Don’t accept a half-ass love. It’s okay to have expectations from your partner. It’s okay to voice those expectations. If he doesn’t call for three days, and that bothers you, say something. Don’t try to play it cool. Be with someone who shows up for you. Choose someone who chooses you.
4. Don’t blame yourself for his mistakes.
He didn’t cheat because you were a bad girlfriend, he cheated because he’s selfish. You don’t need that shit. Don’t waste time wondering what you could have done differently.
5. Don’t ever think you weren’t enough.
Okay, so he’s dating someone new a week after you broke up. Maybe he never took a photo with you, and pictures of them together are circling your newsfeed. Maybe you never went on a real date and he’s taking her to the upcoming Charity Formal. That doesn’t make you inadequate, that makes him a dick. Some guys want the trophy. Others want a teammate, and you were the one he told all of his secrets to.
6. You can’t be friends with someone who broke you.
You can’t rewind the time you spent as lovers. Maybe you were really good friends before everything, but too much has happened to go back to that type of relationship. This is how things are now, broken. Give yourself space. Delete him off social media, hangout with non-mutual friends, avoid the grocery store on discount day when you know he’ll be there. Cut all ties.
7. Healing takes many forms.
Maybe you cried on the phone for hours with your best friend. Maybe you got really drunk and made-out with a guy you never learned the name of. Maybe two. Maybe you went for a run in the rain. Maybe you stayed in alone on a Friday night binge watching Grey’s Anatomy while eating copious amounts of junk food. Maybe you made a breakup playlist consisting of Dashboard Confessional and The Spill Canvas and Third Eye Blind. It’s okay. Do what you need to do. Keep moving forward.
8. Don’t let this define you.
Don’t let him define you. Just because he doesn’t appreciate all that you are doesn’t mean that no one else does. Feeling like no one cares doesn’t actually mean that no one cares.
9. Don’t give up on all men.
I know you’re cynical because your past relationships have all gone up in flames. Trust that not all men will hurt you. Try to understand why in the past you’ve attracted the type of man who doesn’t treat you right. Ask yourself the hard questions. If you want someone who respects you, you have to respect you.
10. Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for staying when you knew you should have left. Forgive yourself for the times you sacrificed your self worth for the sake of the relationship. Forgive yourself for loving someone who can’t love you back.