Today I decided I don’t want you in my life anymore. This was after I let you hurt me one to many times, after I cried over you one too many times, after I expected something different from you one too many times.
The truth is, you’re never going to change. You’re never going to care about me like I thought you did, like I thought you would. We spent two years together. Two years where I loved you and gave you my entire myself, only to realize that you didn’t care.
I went back to you every time you wanted me, and every time, you left me all over again. I’m realizing now that you will always leave me.
Yes, I’m realizing it now. The delusion of you is fading and who you really are is becoming more and more clear. You’re a selfish person that can put another human being through the ringer over and over again and not care, not feeling anything after.
I feel stupid that I have let it go on for this long, when I have so many beautiful, caring, and loving people in my life that want to be in my life. I’ve wasted hours on end crying, caring, thinking, and ruminating – over someone who is surely not doing the same. So today, I decided once and for all that I want you out of my life. This feels different than previous times that I thought this, when I said things like this, when deep down I knew that if you were to reach out to me, I’d be right there.
No, this time is different. There is nothing left of me to hurt and now I need to heal.
So please, don’t come back. Don’t text me when you’re watching something on Netflix that “you think I would like.” Don’t ask me to meet for ice cream and catch up. Don’t ask to come over at 3 am when you know I am vulnerable.
Just please; get out of my life so I can feel genuine happiness again.
Not the kind of happiness that is a high high and quickly fades after. But the calming kind; the kind that comes with love and security. That kind of happiness is simply not possible if I keep letting you in.
This time I won’t respond. Because today I decided that I don’t want you in my life anymore.