It was a Tuesday evening. It started the same as every other dull, homeworkfilled one high school contributes. But I will never forget how that night turned out. We spontaneously spent a few hours together. Nothing crazy, or terrible, but still that night probably shouldn’t have happened.
But still I can’t forget. Or won’t forget.
I won’t forget how my heart nearly beat itself out of my chest, or how my stomach fluttered and my breath caught each time your hand reached toward me, or how badly my jaw ached from the huge smile that had permanently settled onto it after you left.
I won’t forget the smell of your cologne as you sat so close to me, yet still not close enough. Or how you lightly traced my leg with your fingertips, and then gently wove them through my hair.
I won’t forget you taking me by the hands and wrapping me into your arms, and how suddenly, all of my problems melted away into the air around us. I won’t forget how we sat in the back seat, your head resting on my chest, our fingers almost intertwined, but not quite.
I won’t forget how much love surged through every part of me as I watched you close your eyes when I brought my hand to your cheek, unable to keep it at my side.
And I definitely won’t forget how you quickly leaned in and pressed your lips to my cheek. So quickly, in fact, I didn’t even realize it was happening until it was over. But that’s probably for the best. If I had been aware that you were actually kissing me I would have jumped up and started bouncing and squealing like an 8-year-old girl who just got a pony for Christmas.
But I did realize when you did it the second time. And the third.
I had my head craned towards the sky, watching the stars, and this time you gently touched your lips to my neck, and took them away again all too soon.
I don’t think I have ever been happier than in that moment.That simple, seemingly insignificant turn of events meant more to me than you’ll know. Maybe more than it should. And I probably should forget all of this. But how could I? I have never wanted to kiss someone that badly. But I stopped myself, or rather, something in me refused to give in.
Maybe, deep down, I knew it wasn’t the right time. And it wasn’t. It still isn’t.
Things are complicated to say the least.
But who knows, maybe one day it will be the right time. And when that day comes I promise I will kiss you for every star that burns in the sky.
I know you regret that night, for good reasons, and maybe I should too. But maybe, just maybe, one day we won’t have to wish it never happened.
Maybe one day I’ll give in to every voice, every fibre of my being, every ounce of me that loves you so entirely, that’s shouting at me to just kiss you already, damn it.