You automatically know what you’re doing is wrong. You’re only lying to yourself by feigning innocence. Maybe it’s the rush of entertaining something you know is incredibly immoral, but no second thoughts linger long enough in your mind to stop yourself from what you’re about to do.
Once it happens, it’s over. You can’t take it back. Before you allow it to sink in, you’ll most likely conjure up any type justification for what you did. He flirts with plenty of other girls. He ignores your texts. You’ll attempt to ease your conscience with just about every excuse in the book.
You finally realized you couldn’t fool yourself– what you did was so awful and if you could, you’d rewind time to that moment and instantly pull yourself away.
Each time your significant other kisses you or even asks about your day, a new wave of guilt overcomes you. You feel sick thinking about how good he is to you when you did the worst thing possible to him.
On top of that, you’re constantly afraid he will find out, even if he has zero connections to the person you did it with. You’re so paranoid you worry he can already read it off your face without you even uttering a word.
Maybe you finally told your partner. Or maybe the truth found its way back to him. You’ve apologized countless times yet it still doesn’t feel like enough; you vow to do anything to make it up to him. Seeing the despair in his eyes rather than only visualizing it in your head is a reminder of how important this man is to you and how heartbroken you’d be if you lost him.
Maybe he gave you a second chance. Maybe he didn’t. Either way, you’ve finally come to terms with what you did and decided to stop beating yourself up about it. You made a mistake, but you found the courage to forgive yourself. You can’t be miserable forever.
Some say “once a cheater always a cheater,” but that’s both pessimistic and ignorant. This situation taught you that no brief moment of satisfaction is worth sacrificing a valuable relationship. Trust takes months to build and seconds to destroy, which is why swore to yourself that you’d never hurt anyone like this again. Your past does not define you and now you’re a more loving, faithful, and compassionate version of yourself than you ever knew was possible.