They say that forgiveness is key— that in order to move on you must find the strength in your heart to forgive those who broke it. It’s funny how the person who once swept you off of your feet can later become the person to pull the rug out from under them. But despite the pain, you have to find forgiveness. You deserve that for yourself.
So this is me not only forgiving you, but thanking you as well.
Thank you for breaking my heart.
Thank you for shattering it to a billion pieces and forcing me to clean up the mess on my own.
Thank you for being absent when I needed you the most.
Thank you for letting me find myself again on that trip abroad that we planned together.
Thank you for teaching me the hard way what it feels like to celebrate birthdays and holidays without you.
Thank you for making me realize that love is not something you should have to beg to be returned.
Thank you for reminding me about the respect and effort that I deserve.
Thank you for showing me that people don’t change.
Thank you for teaching me to finally put myself first again.
Thank you for pushing me back on track with my career.
Thank you for helping me connect with old friends and family.
Thank you for making me now chase my own passions and dreams.
Thank you for being the catalyst of my move across the country, and soon the spark to my adventure overseas.
Most importantly, thank you for helping me to pursue what’s important to me, as for too long I put that on the back burner while I focused on loving you.
I think that hating someone who broke your heart is the easy thing to do. It’s what we are subliminally told to do in the movies, books, and breakup songs. But I don’t hate you. I could never hate you, though you were the one who hurt me the most in my life. You are still a good person, even though you weren’t the right person for me. I love you and always will, so I can’t possibly hate you because look how strong I am now, in the hindsight of us. Thank you.
So I forgive you, and I thank you for everything. The moments we shared together were some of the best in my life. Those nights in the Rocky Mountains under the stars will always be some of my favorite. But like stars in the galaxy, love sometimes sparkles then fades, but that doesn’t mean that the memories of what once was need to be tainted by what no longer is. It doesn’t mean you should appreciate them any less. We were once beautiful.
Thank you for everything, especially how you unknowingly forced me to find my own strength again when I started to face life without you by my side.
A few months ago when I went alone on that trip that we planned together, I couldn’t help but to get lost in the gravity of Chilean poetry. As Pablo Neruda said, “let us forget with great generosity those who cannot love us” and that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to forget the extent to which you made me feel shattered, the level of which you convinced me that I was a hard person to love, because I’m not. We all have our flaws, but the right person will work with you on them to subside your anxiety and push aside your fears. The right person will not fix you, but instead give you the support you need to fix yourself. That’s when you know it’s real.
So thank you for showing me that this wasn’t right. Thank you for showing me that I deserve someone who opens up more, not someone who is always closed off. Love is not a one way street. Silly of me to think that this was something time could change. I thought that the longer we stayed together, the more parts of your heart you would reveal to me, because that’s what I did. But people love differently, and to different extents. You couldn’t give me the love I wanted and the love I know I’m worthy of. You only met me halfway, and in return I became overbearing trying to compensate for the other half of your equation you couldn’t put the effort into.
You miss out on a lot in life if you let your fears and concerns about getting hurt get the best of you. I think that’s why you never fully let me in, after all of this time. You didn’t want me to hurt you. You didn’t want to invest all of your heart in something if you weren’t sure it would work out. You didn’t want to become too attached to another person. Like a treasure that you have buried in a remote location, you never created a map or keys for someone else to ever find.
Your love was never fully mine to begin with, and I understand that now. I get it, and I thank you for showing me that I’m not like you. Thank you for showing me that love is not only best when it’s mutual, but that it’s also best experienced when it’s massive. I want a love that will move mountains, and you’re just content hanging out in the hills.