I don’t hook up.
Well, I do, but when I hook up I don’t go “all the way.” Many of my friends don’t understand this. They think that if I’m willing to give someone a blowjob, I might as well just have sex with them. Like it’s all or nothing. Like unless I’m planning to never see a person naked until my honeymoon, I should just have sex.
Sex should be different than a blowjob. I’m willing to give and receive oral sex because as a twenty-two year old, I have hormones. But sex should be about more than just hormones. Sure hormones are a large part of sex, but a larger part should be emotional connection. Sex should be about finding comfort in a person because I know them so well that my soul connects with theirs.
When I have known you for only one night, you’re not going to tickle me and make me squeal like a little girl, because they don’t know my sensitive spots. We can’t laugh at each other’s hair being messed up because we will be too afraid of making each other feel insecure. When we cuddle afterward, if we even do, it will be awkward because we haven’t built up enough affection with one another to do anything other than spooning and avoiding eye contact. You won’t rub my back, and I won’t interlace my hand in yours as you drape your arm over my waist.
After ten minutes, one of us will say, “well I had fun, I guess I’ll see you around,” and we will both stand there for a few seconds, wondering if we should ask the other for their phone number.
If you’re going to have sex with me, I want to whisper inside jokes and giggle with you. I want to have pillow fights that result in makeouts. I want to rant about an annoying person at work, and I want you to offer to take my mind off of them. I want you to tickle me until I cry. I want you to hold me as though my body is your sanctuary from the mundane routine of life.
It saddens me that many millenials that I meet who hook up frequently have never experienced a long-term relationship. They don’t know what it’s like to have sex with someone without worrying about if they have gained too much weight or are wearing enough makeup. They don’t know what it’s like to feel your body their close to the body of that one person who knows them better than anyone. I’m not advocating for people to wait for marriage. Let’s face it, hormones are hormones, and divorce happens.
But I will not have sex outside of a relationship. I will not have sex outside of a relationship because I will not reduce sex to something purely physical. Sex, when done with a person who you love, is emotional, spiritual, and magical.