What we want and what we need rarely seem to match. When my own attitudes toward success and wealth, and how I chose to define them changed, I noticed that finally these two slowly began to align. And now I feel as though I can be proud of my personal belief of what their meanings are. For me, that is that on any given day I do not need anything more than I already have.
I awake to a heart beating, which means I am alive. I have peace, calm, balance and a means of keeping and cultivating these things. I have the ambitions that may be big or small which I carry through as a driving force. The threads of desire over the long term. The tiny changes which of late are positive, I’ve watched add up to wonderful accomplishments from the inside out. Much the same way those little negatives I used to work with accumulated and manifested to a building explosion.
Best of all is the acceptance that comes with moving through life at a descent pace. A pace that works for me. No longer am I comparing myself to the people in the other lanes. I think when I began to run to get in shape I learned this lesson from the outside in. That breathing is important, and to build stamina, I had to figure out what pace worked for me. I recognized and identified my capabilities and learned how to be content with being proud of myself. Instead of trying to seek that out in others. Because success, goals, victories, are all completely relative to the individual.
If I were I to take a random sample I would find I may be exceeding the expectations of one, while another would find me far behind the pack. Good thing I enjoy walking alone. As I have learned the small, quiet everyday victories I have, are actually the most sumptuous. Being able to live out in the world. To cook for myself regularly the food I want and need to feel good. To get up and shower and keep a clean house. Just that gift of focus. These things I fought so long and so hard for are now mine, and every day I work to keep them.
I used to take being underestimated as an insult. Until I saw it for what it was. Just a clear reflection of my own behavior. And a new challenge of the self to reflect and do better. Someone once important to me said the following and thus challenged me the greatest;
“maybe in a year I will check in and see if you are doing all the things you said you want to do.”
After what to me had been a pretty amazing year of accomplishments and accolades. At first it hurt and I kept feeling as though I should doubt myself and fulfill this belief. This “maybe” about myself. This “if” that says I am showing I am only talk and no action. So I talked and talked back instead of acting against the truth. That they were right to believe and doubt me. Because all I did was dim myself and act incapable for my own reasons. Thus subject my capability to questioning. And now I questioned my own capability.
So when I saw this for what it was, I said no. I am more than capable of defining and achieving success at the level I see for myself. Perhaps not theirs. But that is okay. They are not going at my pace.
So no need to check on, or in with me. I surround myself with those willing to slow or speed up if they must to walk beside me. As I do for them when necessary. Pace is important, as are people. Find peace and you will keep the right amount of both in your life.