A few months after my dad died, my ex’s brother came to pick up an engine that was being stored in the garage. He borrowed my dad’s truck and kept it for a week to transport the engine. During that week, we started texting almost every day and eventually made plans to get lunch when he dropped the truck off.
We got lunch and started talking about traveling and how I was going to DC in a few weeks. I had remembered that he had never gotten to explore the area, so I invited him. Until the trip, we texted daily and I found myself getting excited to see his name pop up on my phone.
Our last night in DC was spent bar hopping in Georgetown. By the time we got to the last bar, I was already drunk but still coherent. Needless to say, I got white-girl-wasted and made out with him. The following morning, I pretended like I didn’t know what happened the night before even after he asked.
The truth is, I remember glaring into your eyes and kissing you like there was no tomorrow. I remember you grabbing my ass and holding my face while you kissed me back. I remember stumbling back to the Metro and asking how long you had liked me. I remember trying to undress you on the Metro. I remember you not taking advantage of my drunken state that night and making sure I got into bed.
In the months following that trip, we grew closer and closer, spending more time together…and eventually sleeping together on our next trip. I remember the first time I stayed at your apartment. The night before I left, we were laying on the bed, holding hands and kissing, and you told me you were going to miss me when I was gone. Everything seemed so perfect.
Then, it started becoming a problem that I had dated his brother. He would tell me that because he had never dated anyone before that he didn’t want to start dating me yet. I was someone you “date long-term.” He didn’t want to feel like he was missing out on anything and I understood that. When the first girl that came along, he told me it wouldn’t be fair to her to continue our weekly sleepovers and weekend adventures. However, he kept texting me. He told me that he wanted to be with me one day. He said, “Someone else would have to be a mermaid to compare to you.” Two weeks later he told me that he missed me and we started everything over again.
Fast forward 6 months and he tells me he’s met someone else. It wouldn’t be fair to her so we broke it off again. Except this time, it’s different. This time, he makes her his girlfriend and cuts me off completely. All details spared…I got screwed.
And now, an open letter to you:
I opened up to you, more than I ever had to anyone. You knew how I never felt like I was enough for someone. I remember the first time I told you that, we were driving through Atlanta, and you told me that I was…that it was the other person who wasn’t enough. While I wasn’t enough for you, you were everything and more for me. I fell deeper in love with you than I ever had with your brother. I hate to admit that after how things ended and the way you treated me…I would still run back to you in a heartbeat. I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m still waiting for you to call me in a few years and tell me no one quite compared to that of a mermaid.