As cliché as it may sound, timing was never on our side. You chased me while I was too busy being hung up on someone else; I chased you when you were finally tired of going after me, and when you decided to settle for someone who wanted the same things you did. She probably even wanted the both of you more than you did. It couldn’t have been worse. I thought we had slowly accepted our fate as good friends, until the universe gave us a shot. No third parties, no conflicts, no issues. Just us.
We were stubbornly in love, and boy was it one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.
We fought for us to happen for the longest time. It involved a lot of conversations, convincing, compromise. It was huge work. We were huge work. A series of decisions had to be made for the longest time. Thinking about it now, I guess that’s just how much we wanted each other – we didn’t care how hard, how long, as long as we knew it would get us to each other.
But maybe it is true that “what comes up must come down”, and, love, that was us. Being together, we knew we couldn’t be happier together. We had made each other better people. It had been so worthwhile after battling the wrong time and all the hurdles in between. We conquered it all, we thought. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that some things aren’t going to stay the same no matter how long we’ve waited for them, no matter how hard we’ve worked to achieve them, if they weren’t meant to stay that way. We couldn’t have stumbled from the peak of our relationship any harder. We hit rock bottom in the hardest, most painful way. All we ever did was work our way back to the top, but we never did.
There could be a million reasons behind the question “why”, but one thing remains constant: the fact that it shouldn’t have been in the first place.
I’d like to think we were given a chance to experience each other at our highest and lowest points, and realize either way that no matter how hard we tried, no matter how long we’ve waited, it just doesn’t fit. Series of convincing, conversing, deciding, and compromising got us to where we were, but it never got us near to our starting point ever; nothing could have ever been the solution. We kept blaming each other and ourselves all at the same time. We lost us, but more importantly, we lost our individual selves.
That one chance the universe gave us was the most wonderful and most destructive experience all at once.
It was the highest and lowest point of my life altogether. Being with you was beyond myself. Ultimately, I am grateful for having the chance to be with you because not only did I get to experience the beautiful person that you are, but because I had also been enlightened that you are not the person for me, that you are not the person whom I always thought you were.
Right when I thought all the previous heartbreaks and loves had finally come down to this, to you, I had then realized at the end of everything that you were merely an addition to them, that you were only a lesson, an experience I’d learn from. We can’t and shouldn’t be, we weren’t supposed to be, and that’s why the universe gave us a chance.