I read an article recently from a man’s perspective about why he doesn’t understand a woman’s incessant need to have a label on a relationship. His argument is that if what he and a girl has “works,” there’s no need to complicate it by giving it a title. He worded it in such an eloquent and relaxed tone that it almost had me thinking, “you know what, maybe he’s right. Titles are stupid! Who needs em?”
But then I realized that they do matter. A lot.
I’m an extremist. You’re either a) my boyfriend. We are committed to each other, my friends know about you, and neither of us are talking to anyone else. Not just because that’s how relationships work, but because we like each other enough that we no longer have the burning desire to pursue other people. Or option two b) you’re no one to me. Maybe I’ll end up at your place by the end of the night. But I probably won’t. I’m talking to multiple people and will go back with whomever looks the best that night. So don’t get your hopes up.
There is no in-between. And I refuse to feel apologetic for this.
Today’s generation is all about “talking” to someone or being “together.” If you have feelings for someone, why wouldn’t you two want to be official? There’s nothing better than the honeymoon stage of a relationship, when you two are so infatuated with each other that you constantly crave each other’s company and infiltrate each other’s mind and consume each other’s thoughts. Then, as this stage fades, the relationship gradually morphs into a calmer yet blissful phase in which your significant other is not just your lover, but also your best friend.
I think both of these stages are bypassed when you’re just “talking” to someone. Just being “together” is the catalyst for lethargic, empty relationships in which people are afraid to voice their intimate and vulnerable thoughts toward one another. Subsequently, they bottle it all up and carry this burden whenever they spend time with the one they’re “talking to.”
It’s also frustrating to explain your relationship status to other people. There used to be instances when a guy would offer me a drink and I declined because I was “talking to someone.” Predictably, his next question would inquire why I was allowing this “someone,” who evidently did not care to date me, determine whether I could accept a drink from a guy at a bar. That was then. Now, if I’m not in a relationship, you can bet I’ll take the damn drink. It’s irrational for a guy to be angry by a girl flirting with other people if he doesn’t want her as his girlfriend. There’s also nothing worse than visiting your elderly grandparents and when they ask if you have a boyfriend, you stammer in attempt to describe your situation in a way they’ll understand. “Um. Well. There’s someone, but we’re not in a relationship. We aren’t about the whole title thing.” It sounds even more pathetic when you say it aloud.
One of the most ridiculed and mocked conversations today between a man and a woman is the one that includes the notorious “what are we” question.
I’m actually not sure why this is so amusing. It’s laughable to watch someone put their heart on the line because they’re tired of mixed signals and passiveness? It’s funny to fathom that someone could possibly want more than just mediocre “togetherness?” That’s even more depressing to realize.
At the end of the day, if two people enjoy each other’s company and have feelings for each other, there should be no stigma in allowing what they already have to blossom into a full-fledged relationship. If the one you’re with wants more than what you’re willing to give, they’ll ultimately move on to someone who will give it to them. And at that point, it may be too late to finally realize that you were ready for a relationship after all.