“People enter your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.”
I do this thing. Tell me if it sounds familiar. I overthink and overanalyze situations that have no right to even be taking up any space in my head in the first place. I could murder an idea with my own thoughts.
I do this thing where I often assume people care as much as I do, assuming they feel the same way about me as I do about them. I do this with friends, romantic interests…my animals.
I do this thing where I allow people to enter my life, I get attached and then watch as they become strangers. After this thing happens, I blame myself. I lose a little bit of hope. I cling tirelessly onto what could of happened, or what I lacked letting happen. I question if anything was ever even happening in the first place. Was she ever really my friend? Did he even like me? Obviously they didn’t, otherwise they would have stayed.
Let me tell you something, though. From one overthinker to another, here’s some advice.
This will almost always screw you over.
That is where you will lose yourself. Stop clinging on to what has already happened. To the people who have already left. Easier said than done, but let me give you a little anecdote that hopefully will stick with you like it did me.
After experiencing my first “heartbreak” (for lack of better words), I turned to the mom I babysit for. Keeping in mind that she is basically the sister I never had growing up and prior, knew everything leading up to my “almost relationship.”
We were sitting at the kitchen table, she was drinking her wine as I rambled on about this douchebag who ghosted me 4 days before Valentine’s Day. The same guy who called me “babe” for six months and only once forgot to text me good morning in all that time (He was a fuckboy). Here’s what she said:
“People come into you life for a reason, season or a lifetime.”
This did not do shit for me. I am sitting here, holding back curse words and tears waiting for a single line to just make it all feel normal, and this is what I get? Some fortune cookie sounding quote? No thanks.
Yet, here we are. At the moment, it was nothing to me. Now, it’s the only way I survive my own thoughts. She was right. And that boy…that douchebag who I spent more time driving to than actually spending time with, was not a lifetime. He was a reason. But that is why I am no longer angry. I am no longer hurt. Because either way, I got something out of it. I don’t have to overanalyze where it went wrong, or what I should of done or could have done better. It helps me understand and be okay with the fact that I was hurt, but hey man, he just wasn’t the guy for me. It makes me feel justified, but then pushes me to move on.
So, let me say it again for the people in the back.
People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.
Reason: Maybe you were sent my way to teach me what I deserve. You were the experience I needed to prepare me for the real thing. You came into my life, served that purpose and eventually it was time to part ways.
Season: I needed you at a time that my light was dimming out. I didn’t even realize I needed you, or that this is why you had entered my life. Perhaps you came into my life to simply get over the last guy I was with, who I had mistaken for my lifetime. Maybe I needed you to help distract me from the chaos of my family life. It will work. I will become attached to you and for a while, we will have something amazing. But like the seasons, you will eventually be gone. You will have stayed for just enough time to make me want to love again. It will hurt like hell. Because along the way, I mistake our season for a lifetime.
Lifetime: Fuck yes, you made it! This is the holy grail. This is the one that makes all those shitty first “hangouts”, and awkward text messages worth it. If you are the one who enters my life for a lifetime, then all the reasons and all the seasons will finally make sense. They will sure as hell be worth it.
Whether the person you have just met is a reason or a season, I unfortunately have no way of telling you how to know right away. Even once it is over, you will probably not know. I’m at a point where I am not sure which one I prefer, but inevitably I know I will be having to go through many of these. With friends, with guys, whoever. When your heart is numb and aching, you won’t see it clearly as being a reason or a season. It will just be hurt. I promise you, it will one day be obvious. You’ll know why it happened, even through the heartbreak.
Now, I am aware that I wrote this initially referencing to a romantic interest. This does not necessarily always have to apply that way, though. Whether it is a person of romantic interest, or a friend that entered your life and ended up becoming a stranger again, it is still relevant.
Yes, I have too many feelings. Yes, I feel everything too deeply. And that’s okay. Because one day, through it all, through all the attachments and unrequited feelings, I will figure it out.
Love fearlessly. Love stupidly. Love sparingly. Love deeply. And if he posts shirtless gym selfies on Instagram, get the fuck out of there.