There are certain things in life that you are not supposed to do and sleeping with the love of your best friend’s life is most definitely one of them. Countless nights I sat beside her as she cried over his blatant disregard for her feelings and her inability to move on. I comforted her as she agonized the loss of their once powerful relationship along with his effortless acceptance to simply toss her away.
Although I couldn’t control my intense attraction towards him, I didn’t have to embrace it. I didn’t have to respond to his text message and I shouldn’t have felt excited when his next one asked to see me.
I’m haunted by the sound of his ragged breath and the electrifying feeling of him inside of me. Each time I see her face an image of his unclothed body flashes before me and refuses to escape my mind. I feel a lump in my throat with each mention of him and a knot forms in my stomach as she curses the names of girls she suspects to have been with him… All of whom are strangers to her.
I’ve tried to rationalize what I’ve done by listing every grievance she’s ever caused me, but none of them warrant my actions. The truth is, she’s been nothing short of a great friend. I have no excuse for what I’ve done and nothing justifies my actions. My heart hurts each time she calls to make plans or to inquire about my day. She may begin to wonder why I’ve slowly started to distance myself, but I just can’t bear my guilt around her.
I don’t know how, but she’s going to find out. I can’t predict when, but somehow the news will surface. And when it does, I expect her to hate me.
To my best friend… I am so incredibly sorry…