The first night I ever hung out with my would-be husband, we slept together. It was 7 years ago; we were at the tail end of college, and after a night of drinking he asked “wanna come back to my place?” and the rest is history. What a fairy tale story, right? Anyways, our relationship back then revolved primarily around sex (the love part didn’t come around until a few months later). Sex was what you’d expect it to be – hot and heavy, with that youthful energy and sexual appetite every college student has. Any time we were in close proximity to each other, we could feel that sexual tension. We couldn’t be lying in bed together without fondling each other. We were the type to sneak away from family events just to satisfy one another. We fucked like rabbits. You get the point.
Over the years, it’s not like the sex got worse, it just got less intense and less frequent. We were able to lie in bed and read books or watch movies without taking our pants off. Sex in public places became completely off limits (because, gross, right?). And, to my dismay, orgasming was just a little harder to achieve.
I don’t want to give you the wrong impression here. We still had a good sex life – it felt great, we were comfortable experimenting with each other, and multiple orgasms was still attainable (hallelujah). I guess I just felt like my sexual appetite had decreased since our early years, something that is supposed to be normal for maturing couples.
And then, about 8 months before my wedding, I made yoga a regular part of my routine (who doesn’t want those yoga arms?). And I can’t thank the yogi gods enough because it’s something that has fundamentally changed my sex life for the better (the new muscles don’t hurt either).
Let me start by saying, before last year, I have never been known to work out regularly. I would go through these work out bursts that lasted several months, and then just like that, the second I caught a bad cold or went on vacation for a week, the burst was over. Sometimes I felt guilty, a especially when friends talked about a new spin or pilates class they were “obsessed with.” However, it was too easy for me to shake that guilt off and happily go about my exercise-free life.
Whether I want to admit this or not, the lack of exercise did have an impact on my sex life. More nights per week than not, I was too tired to get aroused. The actual act didn’t last as long as it used to, I no longer enjoyed being on top, and there were many times I couldn’t achieve an orgasm.
Here’s where yoga comes in.
The first month was tough. It seemed like there was no relief to sore muscles, and I would immediately fall asleep after coming home from an evening class. But then, after the initial wall broke down, the yoga got easier. I could do poses I never dreamed of doing, and my alignment got better. New muscles that I never had started popping up (hello yoga arms!). There were also non-physiological benefits—I became calmer, handled anxious situations better, and learned how to easily detach from a tough work day.
And then, there is the sex. God, it’s good. It’s back to the level it was in college. Here are some of the ways it’s changed for the better:
1. The arousal is back and orgasms are way stronger. I can’t fall asleep with him next to me without jumping his bones. It’s like an insatiable feeling that won’t go away unless we have sex. And orgasms are easy to come by (pun absolutely intended).
2. I’m SO flexible. The flexibility of my new muscles allows for way bendier poses (think about what you can do in bed when you can bend down far enough to not only touch your toes, but also loop your arms around the backs of your legs).
3. Better stamina. Want to go longer than half an hour? Yes, please! Want me to be on top for all of it? No problem! Not only can my muscles go for longer, but I’ve learned how to use my breath so I don’t run out of it during high intensity moments.
4. High energy. Even if it’s 12am on a work night, once arousal hits, I am wide awake and ready to go.
It seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? I thought so too. It wasn’t until the holiday season that I connected our newly improved sex life with yoga. After our wedding, we took a 2 week long honeymoon, and then a week later we went to our families’ homes for the holidays. It was roughly a month and a half without a yoga class. Sex went back to being just good, not great. It happened less frequently, and it was less intense. Fast forward after the New Year and two months of regular yoga, and sex is now back to jump-your-bones-on-the-kitchen-floor sex.
My yoga teacher often emphasizes engaging the “mula bandha,” which is the area between your anus and bellybutton. The act of engaging it is like doing kegels, but in a yoga class filled with 70 or so more people, who are also doing kegels.
Kegels are meant to exercise the pelvic floor—they strengthen the muscles around your lower stomach, and the area between your vagina and anus. The muscles you tone during kegel exercises are the same ones used during an orgasm. Making them stronger can help to achieve an orgasm quickly and more intensely.
There are certain yoga poses where you are constantly engaging your mula bandha for minutes at a time. Imagine an entire 1.5 hour long class full of poses that also serve as kegels. That’s a lot of mula bandha training. Over time, as those muscles grow stronger, orgasms become more powerful and more addicting.
So, the moral of the story is, if you’re looking for ways to improve your sex life, give yoga a try. Your partner and your mula bandha will appreciate it.