The immediate reaction I get when someone finds out my not-always-so-secret secret that I have never had sex is usually pretty standard. No matter the person, there is always some sort of shock.
I don’t take offense to this. I’m a senior in college, most girls I know haven’t been virgins for quite some time now. I like to party a lot on the weekends (and occasionally during the week). Sometimes I drink a little too much. I’m also a bartender at Hooters and I like to wear clothes that accentuate my body. There are some stereotypes that a “girl like me” would have had a sexual partner or two under her belt at this point in life. That’s life. I get it.
Following this initial shock is always a bit of confusion. The first question I always get is, “Oh, are you waiting until marriage?” But the answer is always no. They ask if I’m religious. The answer is always no. Some people go on to ask things like, “Do you just have a really strong male figure in your life?” This one is always funny to me. My dad is a great guy, but no, he has nothing to do with it. I don’t even think he has any idea that this has been a decision that I’ve made. Some people also ask, “Has an opportunity never arose?”
This one I can sometimes take a small amount of offense to. What?! Please. I’m sure every female that wanted to lose her virginity would be more than able to find a male somewhere in this world that was willing to fulfill that desire.
So why? My answer is that it has been a personal choice to wait for someone that loves and respects me enough to hold off for a while while we get to know each other. Someone that I love back and want to give myself to because it feels right, not because I felt pressured to, as corny as that may sound.
While I think I’m a hell of a catch, here are some reasons why I think I’m still holding onto that Vcard.
1. So often our relationships are built off of sex, instead of leading to it.
It’s funny because I have never thought of myself as a hopeless romantic, but sometimes I feel like a romantic stuck in a hopeless world of dating. We’ve developed a “Netflix and chill” and swipe left on tinder kind of segway into relationships. These are all based off of initial sexual interactions that can sometimes lead into something more meaningful and fulfilling, like a relationship. But when you want to go in the opposite order and develop the emotional first, it seems to be much harder to find male within my realm of peers and acquaintances willing to put in that initial effort. I don’t want anyone who is just going to hit me up with a 2 am booty call. You are not going to get it that easy. I want someone who is going to show me that chivalry is not dead. That people do really still go out on real first dates. It doesn’t even need to be anything fancy. I just need some effort.
￼2. It seems to be increasingly difficult to meet eligible guys anywhere but a bar being a college aged student.
Not only do I work at a bar, but I seem to spend a fair amount of time running around at them in my spare time between working and being in school. It’s where most people my age hang out on the weekends. It’s easy. I know most of my friends will be there. Does this set me up for success to meet the man of my dreams? I’m not highly confident. This is not to say that all I do is go to bars and drink, but when I think of the place where I meet the most guys, it is definitely when I’m out on the weekends. Some people meet in classes, but being an elementary education major, I seldomly come across a male in one of my classes. I hear so many stories of older couples who met at the grocery store or at the bank, etc. I hope it’s not just me, but I have had little luck meeting guys just out and about in this day and age. Too often we are focused on other things, like our cell phones and social media, when we’re out and about instead of trying to engage in conversation or meet people in our day to day lives.
3. I love myself enough to be OK with being alone until the right person comes along.
I think too often people throw themselves into relationships that are less than what they deserve or want because they are afraid to be alone. They need someone there in order to try and fill a void that they are experiencing. I don’t feel this need because I am content with being by myself. I love the person that I am and the woman that I’ve grown to be. I never want to feel like I need someone. I just want to want them. This feeling helps me from forcing myself into something that doesn’t necessarily fit.
4. I really haven’t been in a place in my life where I felt comfortable committing to a relationship until now.
I think that most of us are guilty of playing some sort of games in a relationship or two and I would definitely include myself in that group. Looking back now I think that was a sign of immaturity and stemmed from a fear of being vulnerable. I always wanted to seem like I was the one who cared less because then I felt I had the upperhand in the situation. I wanted them to chase me and only me, while I was busy making sure that I was paying other guys attention so that I wouldn’t seem to eager. Now I realize how unfair I was to be messing with other people’s emotions like that. It also never seemed to get me anywhere. I realize now that you really do have to put yourself out there a bit if you’re going to be in a mature relationship. Not only do you have to know what you want, but you have to express it.
5. I have not given up hope yet that I’ll find a guy well worth the wait.
I have heard plenty of stories of both males and females losing their virginities on a whim. Some people don’t regret not having strong feelings for the person that they chose to lose their virginity to. While I respect their decisions to be able to do as they please with their own bodies.
I know that I would regret losing it to someone I did not love. I believe that there is someone out there who is going to change the way I look at 21st century relationships. It may not even be the person that I end up spending the rest of my life with. Life happens and sometimes things don’t go as planned. But I do know that this person will be my first true love.