This Is How It Feels When Someone You Love Tries To Commit Suicide

“People keep telling me that life goes on. But for me, that’s the saddest part.”

My friend and I, we both deal with depression. Aside from dealing with the funk, both of us have been left and xd out by the people we loved. I’ve moved on from my unfortunate fate. I thought he did, too. Until one day, I opened my email and saw his detailed blog post about his suicide attempts and the sorrow, misery, agony, and lethargy he’s been feeling for some time now.

I called him up. Tried to contact him through all social media networks we both are in. But he did not respond.

I stared at my phone and went through his blog post, again and again, trying to make sense of it, and also hoping to find something that will tell me it’s just a crazy blog post not to be taken seriously.

But nope. To my disappointment, I cannot find any bit of joke. All I read was pure pain and a cry for help.

Couple of days later, he responded to my messages, telling me that he’s okay and that he’s with family. I was happy to have heard from him, but underneath his “It’s okay. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” message, I know there’s an underlying reason why he visited his family.

So I responded back to his message in an attempt to get more information but have not heard from him since.

Each day, I think about him and wish I can visit him somehow and tell him that while I know that “It’s not just a phase” thing but he has to keep holding on.

He used to comfort me with words like “Death ends a life, not a relationship”, which I kinda agree to but if it’s not too much to ask, I would love to see him alive rather than in the coffin.

I know I would never, ever understand the pain. I know I do not have control over what will happen and how he will decide on his fate. I don’t know if he’s going to pull a Martin Manley act, too since we’ve talked about the guy for quite some time in the past.

All I know is that while he is still breathing, there is hope. He just needed to love himself enough not to let go.

To all of us who have lost a friend or will be losing one to suicide, as we celebrate World Suicide Prevention Day, may we remember that even if the people we’ve lost are gone, we can honor their lives by spreading hope in the community where we belong.

Be it simple random acts of kindness, or simple words of encouragement, small acts matter. We’ll never know who are the lives we impact and change because of the kindness we spread. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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