In a way the small disappointments and letdowns are worse than real breakups. At first you are good at containing the hope. You meet him, maybe hook up once or twice and it is still possible to view it as a one-time thing. Then he keeps contacting you and you let the smallest idea plant in your head, that maybe this guy actually does like you. You try to squash it, to tell yourself to stop, but it’s impossible at this point. It grows and expands until it occupies every corner of your mind. Every thing he says, every invitation over is a declaration of their desire for you. Then, without warning and usually when things were getting good, he slows down. You can feel it happening but you make excuses for him like a stupid girl. “He’s busy.” “He’s stressed about exams.” He acts dismissive when he sees you out downtown. “He was tired.” You now have to be the one to text first. You know you should just stop but the hope still lingers. Until all communication ceases. He just doesn’t bother replying to your last text. It’s over. You are left reeling from the devastating blow that he never really liked you in the first place. You don’t even deserve an explanation.
You aren’t worth it.
And if you reach out at this point you’re the “crazy” one. So you try to move on but with no closure, no event to blame it on, it is difficult. And the wonder drives you crazy. The wonder of what went so wrong. You re-read text threads and go over conversations in your head. You read countless articles that say it’s not you it’s him. You did nothing wrong. You are perfect and deserve the world. But do you? It keeps happening so there must be something wrong with you. Some inborn personality flaw. You won’t be able to get over it until you meet someone new. And the process repeats.
I envy those in relationships. Not only for the obvious reasons. But at least when two people have an actual defined relationship and then break up, they know that, at one point, the other person believed they were worth it. There was time invested and feelings shared. And there can be a cause attributed to the break up. He cheated, she found someone else, their careers are taking them in different directions, maybe someone got bored. But at the very least there was a definitive “I want to break up” from one or both of the members in the relationship. How I long for simple cause and effect. To be done with the what did I do, what did I say, why do I suck so much.
So if you’re reading this, don’t ghost. Just don’t do it. Suck it up and show some consideration for someone else’s emotions. I realize it’s the easy way out, I have been tempted on several occasions. But it’s insulting and disrespectful. It’s not even a boy/girl thing; it’s just not something a human should do to another human. It makes the receiver feel worthless and humiliated. If you cared about the person enough to invest even the slightest amount of time they deserve an explanation as to why you no longer want to talk to them. Give them something to blame it on for their own sanity. Oh and you won’t feel so guilty too.