To be honest I’m happy for you. I truly am. I may not know the whole story, but I’m not blind. I can see old feelings resurfacing and old friendships rekindling. I may be deceived by what I want to believe, but as of now, that’s the only thing I can hold onto. It is the only thing I can believe to force my heart to rest and stop my mind from wondering; wondering of the “could have been” between us. Because in some alternate universe there could be an “us”. But in the real world, we have let that chance pass and took it for granted. I was told that in the real world you still want an “us,” but I would have to go with the old adage and fire back that actions speak louder than words.
I am not bothered of her. I am not bothered by your constant communication publicized in social media. In fact I already find it quite normal and expected. I may have been a bit jealous of the two of you before but I know those feelings do not hold ground. Besides, there wasn’t really an “us” anyway.
I think the both of you would make a really good couple to be honest. And to prove my point I will list all of them down. Although I don’t see any point of doing so. Perhaps it’s a way for me to justify letting you go. It’s my way of rationalizing how we can never and will never be.
- You guys have been friends for a long time. Although I am pretty sure we were friends first for about a year before you two met. But the fact here is not who is friends with you longer, but the fact that the both of you have formed a solid foundation that is tried and tested. If I count it out, I am guessing you guys have known each other for about 4 years now. That is enough time to know a person to the core. That is enough time to finally realize this is the person I love. This is the person I need.
- She cooks. She is your typical girl, in fact an ideal wife. She knows how to do household chores. She seems grounded and knows her way around the house. I knew the day you told me that I can invest my time learning how to cook is your way of telling me I have to come out of my sheltered shell I have been hiding under and face the real world and learn the duties of woman, of a future wife. I think to myself, the guy who wants to marry me will accept all of me and not try to force me into something for his own benefit or because of his belief of preconceptions. Another reason I tell myself we are not an ideal match.
- She believes in a God. I think this is the most important one. You guys share a common belief that would bind and guide you. You will salvage time from bickering about your indisputable beliefs. Your God can be an avenue to spend time together. It is something the two of you will never let go of. I know because I know you. I know you will never leave your God. And I know she is truly and sincerely devout. It seems like a match made in heaven (pun intended).
- She can sing. I know you have thing with girls who can sing. Fortunately or unfortunately, I can’t sing. Perhaps you do deserve someone who can serenade you to sleep. I know singing is something you want to do but do not have the talent for. At least your inability to sing is balanced by her ability to sing.
- You two look alike. It may be superficial but it’s a big thing for couples apparently. Couples who look alike grow older together. It’s a common belief among couples in our culture. You are meant to be with the person if you two look alike. It may seem irrational, but culturally you two are an ideal couple. Who am I to argue with the social construction of our culture and relationships? Perhaps you can add in the bonus that’s she pretty.
- Her family trusts you. I recall a time when you told you dropped her off to her house because you two went out. You know that her mom would be worried for her at that time of the night so you so graciously and selflessly drove her home. Any family would be happy enough to know and trust a guy their daughter is seeing, or started seeing, or whatever you guys are now. It’s hard to win over a parent’s trust and I commend you because you are half way there if not already there.
- The two of you used to have feelings for each other. That famous quote from 500 Days of Summer, “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” Maybe we were the wrong time or too late. And maybe you two are forever. There’s no denying you have a special place in her heart. And I (or maybe a part of me) hope that she has a special place too in your heart. So that you can stop nagging me that you want a love life so much.
It seems that the two of you have the makings of a compatible albeit perfect couple. I mean that’s one ingredient in a lasting relationship right? Compatibility. Love can only take you so far if two people don’t mesh well. I know she has a kind heart. And I hope that I am being mature enough to see what is in front of me to finally let the guy who has been occupying my heart for several years go. It’s time for you to be occupied in someone else’s heart. A heart better than mine, a soul purer than mine, and the person I can never be and you ought to be with. We both deserve happiness, and I am happy you found yours because now I can finally say that I’ve let you go.