I am most enamored by the people who can without any effort do with what is most hardest for me: embrace vulnerability. I look at the people who lay bare their true inner-being, and a part of myself longs to be as willing, courageous and compassionate enough as them. It is not that I have this frame of mind that I can never carry the same quality of strength as them, but in fact, it is the time in between growing to become that person and still feeling so very fearful of the consequences of standing in front of someone and saying, “This is me. This is all of me. This is who I am.”
If you are reading this article and you are encountering the same feelings of the fear of having your heart and soul be seen, you are not alone. I am with you. We are connected because we both are so damn fearful to go to war with fear and lose. Maybe we are even scared to win. Maybe even both.
I am a fighter. I fight. But there was a time in my life where I believed fighting my way to numbness was being strong. I was wrong. Absolutely wrong. We cannot change the emotions that we as humans genuinely possess. We have to teach ourselves to accept them. Sit with them. Listen to what they are trying to tell us and not numb ourselves to the feelings are not in our favor. Because to feel is to be vulnerable. To be a human is to be vulnerable. To exist is to be vulnerable. We cannot change those things. We can only learn to accept vulnerability and to ultimately embrace it.
Vulnerability is poorly understood as being weak, but in all actuality, it is the purest form of strength that we can ever experience. Vulnerability is what connects one human to another. Truthfully, we are all connected by the inevitable troubles life throws onto our plates, whether expected or unexpected. But if we never share our tender parts of our own being, we will never be able to intellectually and cognitively link ourselves with other individuals. However, that can be the core of our issues: failing to be seen. And when we fail to be seen, we begin to live in a world accompanied by loneliness. You will feel it most when you want to open up your messy and chaotic life with the person who is deserving of your story. You will be so fucking desperate to finally prove fear wrong, but do not be discouraged when fear wins, because there will be other chances to win this fight. I promise.
I want to let you know that I realize how being true to ourselves and showing up to be seen is absolutely grueling and strenuous. It seems like we take two steps forward to letting someone in, just to witness ourselves taking four steps backwards. However, bear in mind that in those four steps that we find ourselves taking backwards, we are actually in our most rawest and vulnerable stages. These are known to be the most beautiful ones. This is where we show our most vulnerable selves. Remember, embrace it. I will, too.