We build up walls to protect ourselves- our souls. We have been deeply hurt. Betrayed. We have witnessed the people whom we once thought were worthy of taking up quantifiable space in our lives, to only remind us that selfishness is alive and well. We have been lied to. We have given our entire selves to the universe, just for it to remind us that not all things are reciprocated.
We were left with nothing, one too many times before; we will do anything to protect ourselves- to never be left with the overwhelming feeling of nothingness again. We will build our walls to be higher, stronger, sturdier, shatter-proof and bullet-proof. We will promise ourselves that the we will never lose to the universe again. We are smarter, we think. We are stronger, we feel. We are unbreakable, we imagine.
Being one who lives a guarded life, I can only speak of this truth: it is a continual choice I choose to make. It is a decision that does indeed bring me to war more than I would like. But I am so damn confident that this decision leaves me with proving this truth to others: it is a fucking privilege to be inscribed in the pages of another person’s life.
Yes, living a life that consists of wet cement and bricks can bring you to feel limited. If anything, we strive to be limitless- to live life without boundaries, but sometimes we have to make very difficult decisions, live selfishly, and sacrifice one thing in order to have another.
I do know that I hurt others by living a guarded lifestyle and there are people who claim it is unfair: to lock them out of the house that lives our emotions, our thoughts, our fears and importantly, our very own lives. It had taken me a very long time to understand that I was hurting others by denying them trust, a chance, an opportunity to prove otherwise, but sometimes we have to stand our ground, speak up, and raise our fists in solidarity to show our worth and our dignity.
For those of you who choose to live shielded: I am so very sorry for the hurt that has been laid into your heart. However, I believe that sometimes we have to stand behind walls, only to show how much of a privilege exposing ourselves really is. Maybe we will one day give humanity another chance to provide us only with what we deserve: goodness. And please, do not mistake your shields as a form of weakness, because you are in fact the exact opposite. I promise you.
You are the one who knows your own worth and the importance of handing someone over the key to unlock the beauty that lies inside of you. Therefore, living behind cemented walls is about waiting to reveal yourself to the ones who have been standing in line all of this time, waiting to give you what you so inherently deserve: unconditional love and goodness.