35 Thoughts Everyone Has Had While Running

Flickr / LaShawn Wiltz
Flickr / LaShawn Wiltz
  1. Are my shoelaces double knotted? I can’t eat shit in front of those tweens at the park again—last time they were so vicious.
  2. Okay, get ready, you’re about to go faster than the speed of light.
  3. Holy shit, I’m doing it! I’m running!
  4. I could get into running regularly, it’s exhilarating!
  5. Being outside is the best!
  6. My legs are so fucking strong!
  7. I wonder if this is how Serena Williams feels on the court.
  8. She probably gets her Nikes for free though.
  9. Who needs free Nikes when you have the satisfaction of being the fastest woman alive?
  10. Note to self: Google who the actual fastest woman alive is when you get home.
  11. Holy butthole, I’m starting to sweat.
  12. Is the sun beating down with a vengeance today or what?
  13. Ooooh, might have forgotten to put deodorant on.
  14. These leggings were a fool’s choice, my ass refuses to be contained.
  15. Are those dudes on the lawn watching my butt in all its unbridled glory?
  16. Those sick bastards.
  17. Why didn’t I bring a water bottle?
  18. If I stop at the drinking fountain, will I be able to start running again?
  19. Look alive! There’s an approaching group of mommy joggers who actually look really cool.
  20. They must have put Lululemon out of business.
  21. I bet they have their shit together and meet for group runs on the reg.
  22. Hypothetically speaking, how would one join the ranks of said mommy joggers?
  23. Will they let me join without a kid, I have a dog—that’s kind of like a kid!
  24. They seem so free! Aside from the thirty pound stroller full of screaming baby meat they’re towing along.
  25. Did my mom run with me when I was a baby?
  26. Nahh.
  27. Alright, my legs are getting tired.
  28. Don’t think about your legs getting tired.
  29. But I have to pee, too!
  30. You’re almost done, don’t think about your earthly needs! Mind over matter!
  31. But my matter is sore as hell and full of urine.
  32. There’s the marker up ahead, you’re almost done!
  33. *Eye of the Tiger* BUM BUM BUMMMM
  35. Wait…do I really have to do this again tomorrow? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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