Despite what Instagram and your entire graduating class may show, hipsters are not the cartoon image of thick-rimmed glasses and fitted hoodies we imagine (or try to be). Before the image of a youthful Justin Bieber wearing a purple hoodie and side-swept hair ruined what it was to truly be a hipster, there was a whole subculture of independent-minded people who swore off the mainstream for reasons greater than “because everyone was doing it.” Here are seven signs you’re doing hipster wrong.
You see everything in pictures
When’s the last time you were surrounded by beauty, engaged in meaningful conversation with wonderful people and didn’t interrupt the moment to take a picture? Probably never, because you’re annoying. The brick wall scenery embellished by tiny string lights will continue to exist and remain in your memory even if you dare not destroy it with a quirky angle or Valencia filter. Hipsters don’t announce their hipsterism via Instagram. Hipsters are hipster because they’re hipster.
You’re on an indie overload
The span of your social conversation is dictated by the new indie artist you recently discovered or indie movie you last watched. You’ve even dedicated all of your spare time to checking out the underground music scene at the cool new bars nobody is talking about (but actually everybody is talking about). It may come to a surprise to no one but you that you have not, in fact, discovered indie music or indie movies. Indie music / movies were already cool before your aggressive interpretations. Enjoy indie music because it’s good, not because it’s indie.
You’re still using SoundCloud
Stop it. Stop it now. There are loads of indie music sites to get all the indie things your indie heart desires (pro tip: check out IndieU.com or one of those sites someone posted on Reddit). If you were a true hipster一 born and bred by independence一you’d swear off all mainstream music platforms and discover your music the raw, uncut way via live shows or actual indie music discovery sites.
Chances are you’re angry about something right this very second
Must you hate all things that are good and pure? Must you talk about said hatred all of the time? You don’t have to watch Twilight (or enjoy it, God forbid), but no one cares how stupid you think it is. No one likes an angry hipster. So, try only talking about the things you do like and see how you magically become invited to more social gatherings.
You’ve recently dropped more money at a thrift store than you would at a regular clothing store
Because you NEEDED that taxidermy owl and twice-worn leather suspenders.
I’m kidding, stop doing that.
Your last cocktail was a PBR tallboy
Seems like you’d be better off licking the bathroom floor and saving yourself $3 if your tastebuds crave 24 oz. of Pabst. My most sincere recommendation is that you start drinking beer that actually tastes like beer.
You’re constantly talking about decades you weren’t alive for
Oh, nothing beats the ‘60s? You were born in ’97 so what are you even talking about.