5 Sloppy Reasons You Should Reconsider Potential Drunk Sex

Flickr / Loren Kerns
Flickr / Loren Kerns

1. Be mindful about the next morning.

Yes, it can be fun, being tipsy and crawling into bed with that handsome man from work. Two glasses of wine and your are a fearless woman. Your imagination opens unlimited doors and you feel the least bit awkward. Yes, it can be a good feeling, and going to bed tipsy has no shame whatsoever. However, going to bed overly intoxicated with that darling man after vomiting in his bathroom is an absolute turn off. You have to be mindful of how you are going to wake up the next morning.

You do not want to have him wake up first and as he walks into the bathroom to piss out last night’s whiskey, he sees a trail of vomit on his bathroom floor and all over his toilet. Nor do you want him to wake up the next morning to find your unshaven, snoring self to be lying on top of the covers instead of inside the sheets, it can be very embarrassing and remember, you have to see him at work. This is not the man that you can be embarrassed in front of because you know you will never see him again. You are the one presenting the next meeting and he will be thinking of your embarrassments the whole time.

2. He may remember the words you speak.

We have all been there, we carelessly speak those drunk and soft words into his ear because we shamelessly tell him what he wants to hear. Be careful, he may remember. If you silently tell him that you are going to take him out for waffles the next morning, you may have to.

When you wake up and look over at the man that you had mistaken for as Mr. Christian Grey, but instead he has a long beard and dreadlocks, you are going to have to eat waffles with him. Brace yourself, it can be a long breakfast.

3. Alcohol is the one being spontaneous, not you.

You have recently heard your girlfriends share their most painful sex positions over coffee. You are in the middle of having sex and you feel β€œspontaneous.” You feel sexy and confident. You are not too shy to ask him to have anal sex with you. Yes, alcohol can suppress physical pain but regardless to the horror stories your girlfriends have recently shared with you, pain is not an issue, at least for right now.

You just want to be apart of the next β€œsexual” conversation over coffee next week. However, when you wake up the next morning, be prepared, those six shots of Patron made you feel limitless last night and you are painfully paying for that β€œspontaneous” sex move for the next couple of days.

4. You do NOT love him, even though alcohol may.

Yes, I know, you have not had an orgasm like that in five months. This man made you believe that you were seeing unicorns and stars when you climaxed, but do not tell him that you love him. Love is not a man’s ability to make you have an orgasm. When you have maxed out the number of orgasms you had with him in the matter of an hour, it will do more harm than good to whisper in his ear how much you love him.

Also, there is no need to to promise him a future because when you get surprise roses at your front door for three consecutive weeks, needy text messages from him, and him showing up at your work, remember, you had told him you loved him. Those stars and unicorns do not define love. It was when you slammed your head into the headboard while having sex that led you to see unicorns and stars, it was not him. Do not place the credit where it does not belong. Also, let the alcohol love just the orgasm and nothing else.

5. Do not be alarmed when you wake up.

Ladies, his phone is going to vibrate. You are inevitably going to wake up to the sound of it vibrating on the nightstand next to you. You are going to mistake it for your iPhone, but it will be his. It will show that girl’s name repeatedly on his notifications, do not be alarmed. He wakes up to her colored hearts and Emojis of kisses each and every morning. You will be confused because last night he had told you when you were overly intoxicated that he is single and is utterly interested in you.

You will take in all of his kind and genuine words and kiss him after he speaks each one. You will also become exceedingly emotional when he tells you how your sun-kissed hair with that orange flower that he picked for you outside the restaurant that is sitting on top of your ear is breathtaking. He will remind you that your smile makes life a more beautiful of a place. However, when you wake up to see his phone vibrating for the eighth time, do not be surprised. His girlfriend is reminding him about tonight’s dinner date. TC mark

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