Why I Will Never Marry A Guy Like My Father

Flickr / Lauren Max
Flickr / Lauren Max

Cliché or not, most girls assume that because they have been surrounded by their father figure most of their lives, they will wind up with a guy similar to him. I say no to this, as I want myself to never fall in love with a guy even remotely close to my father and to never have my future kids go through the things I went through. Too much heartache here to bear myself—why would I put that into a future relationship of mine?

1. I don’t want pain in my marriage.

I’ve experienced some of the worst pain as I claim to be fatherless because of the choices my father made. It is my decision 100% to choose to not have a dad in my life, but I have believed for years it is beneficial for my own well being and the future of my children to not have a grandfather like him around. Because my dad is an experienced manipulator, money­stealer, and abusive person, I do not want him around. I do not want to marry a guy who is a manipulator, money­stealer, or abusive. Um, hello? That would be STUPID.

2. He committed crimes.

Sadly because of the poor choices my dad made throughout his life, he has been involved with the law enforcement too many times for me to count on my fingers. That explains enough.

3. He was an alcoholic.

Growing up in a home where alcohol was the answer to my dad’s problems, it hurt me beyond words to see my dad in the state he was when he was living in my home. He was never “right in the mind” and always “farfetched.” He was scary at points when he got drunk because he would act out in various ways. He was a monster. I do not want to marry a monster or have that type of person around my kids. Ever.

4. He was needy.

This is probably the worst. Because my dad has money issues and “needs” he decided to fulfill his wants with making love to a 26-year-old to get money for himself. This disgusts me on multiple levels, one because I was abused by him physically, emotionally, mentally, and emotionally. But more because now I have evidence that proves that the thoughts I believed that maybe one day my dad would act out sexually on me and having that being shown true as he made love to a 26-year-old, showed me he had different motives. And that is scary. I do not want my husband to make love to a prostitute. Do I really have to go on?

5. Love meant nothing to him. It means a lot to me.

Growing up and even as I got older my dad tried to gain back my forgiveness and trust. He tried really hard, he really did. But, with what he has done is something I will not forget. I can forgive him for it but I will not forget it. I can not forget the pain I have as being that daughter who would rather walk down the aisle with her best guy friend or her brother because she will not invite her daddy to her wedding. This should be the only reason why I will never marry a guy like my father, but I want to marry a guy that loves me and loves the thought of holding love true to our relationship. I want to love him and honor him for I know he has to be a pretty great and strong guy to handle the emotions I have as they are raw and authentic. I want to be loved like I have never been loved before in my life. It is something worth waiting for because I want to marry a guy completely opposite from my dad. I want him to be nothing like him for I want to have a marriage that reminds me nothing of the past I had to endure before I met the love of my life which I will one day call my husband. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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