What It’s Like To Lose Someone You Never Had

Shutter Island
Shutter Island

What is it to lose someone you could never have?

You have spent days together, having absurd and endless conversations…weaving silly dreams about career, personal life but it all ends abruptly and now you are on your own, dealing with the mess you created. Never in your wildest dreams did it strike you that it would turn into something as sad as a weird oblivion. Now you both exist, but not in each other’s life. The other person has cut the cord, has moved on with someone and all you have is those memories when you were at your happiest self. You keep reading those texts you exchanged and most often, you help up shedding tear over a conversation you had with the person, you loved.

When someone comes to your life, makes you happy and put in efforts to ensure that you have a smile intact, you tend to start believing that this would be your “infinity”. It doesn’t matter if you both have officially declared your feelings because you were so sure that it is slowly turning into something beautiful. You have some plans but sometimes maybe its destiny that gives you an abrupt shock and the person you wanted to be yours, is no longer yours. Your world crashes and all beautiful dreams you were building in your head, it all bites the dust.

Why does it happen? How does it feel to lose someone you never really had?

The feeling is indeed the most helpless one. You have spent months together, knowing and adoring every little detail of each other and then, the other person conveniently replaces you, without any intimation and the connection just fades. You don’t exist for that person and all you are left with is, a void. You try to make yourself happy with new hobbies, try to decorate the wound with meeting people, catching up with friends, watching new films but somehow you know you are sinking into a well that has nothing above, or below it. People and friends come, they console you that it had to end this way, they will tell you how careless you had been in not terming or asking the other person so as where you both were heading, but you know what is was and you can’t answer these questions. You know what you felt was true and somehow when the other person reverted this affection, you never felt the need of validating this bond.

How to deal with this “unsaid” goodbye?

You kept looking for closure, but the other person is no longer available. You see days and months passing by, feeling that nothing would make you happy now. But, it is okay to be sad or depressed. Never be ashamed of your wounds, they turn you a lot wiser and it’s you who will learn to pick up those broken pieces all by your own self. Your friends and loved ones will definitely try to help you out, but you will realise that the only way out is, in. You need to feel the pain to understand it better. You can overcome pain only when you understand and battle it on your own. The person you loved is now gone and all you have is your life, which you need to sort on your own. It might take days or maybe months to figure yourself out again but make sure you find yourself, mend every wound and become a “whole” person again who is again ready to fall in love, experience the ecstatic adventure of love and is capable of accepting someone in life, once more. TC mark

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