15 Brilliant Quotes From Amy Poehler’s ‘Yes Please’

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Amy Poehler is the embodiment of comedy perfection. There’s no one else in the world who could play Leslie Knope or Hillary Clinton like she can. Her new memoir Yes Please is in a world of its own just like the work she produces: It’s funny and warm and smart all at the same time. I could never thank her enough for these 15 moments of absolute brilliance in her book.

1. On the kind of people she admires:

“The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. This is the honest way I want to live and love and write.”

2. On the title:

“‘Yes please’ sounds powerful and concise. It’s a response and a request. It is not about being a good girl; it is about being a real woman. It’s also a title I can tell me kids. I like then they say ‘Yes please’ because most people are rude and nice manners are the secret keys to the universe.”

3, 4, 5. On body image:

“I wish I could tell you that being on television or having a nice picture in a magazine suddenly washes all of those thoughts away, but it really doesn’t. I wish I were taller or had leaner hands and a less crazy smile. I don’t like my legs, especially. I used to have a terrific flat stomach but now it’s kind of blown out after two giant babies used it as a short-term apartment. My nose is great. My tits are better than ever. I like my giant eyes, but they can get crazy. My ass is pretty sweet. My hair is too thin for my liking. My Irish and English heritage and my early sun exposure guarantee that I am on the fast track to wrinkle city. Bored yet? Because I can’t stop.”

“I had already made a decision early on that I would be a plain girl with tons of personality, and accepting it made everything a lot easier. If you are lucky, there is a moment in your life when you have some say as to what your currency is going to be. I decided early on it was not going to be my looks. I have spent a lifetime coming to terms with this idea and I would say I am about 15 to 20 percent there….Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier.”

“I don’t consider myself beautiful or famous, but my vagina certainly is. Everyone knows this. I have the Angelina Jolie of vaginas.”

6. On saying “sorry” a lot:

“It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate.”

7. On aging:

“Stop whining about getting old. It’s a privilege. A lot of people who are dead wish they were still alive.”

8. On Seth Meyers:

“The memories I have with Seth could fill a whole book. When I left SNL, I gave Seth a badge of courage, like Dorothy gives the Cowardly Lion. The props department helped me make it. He kept it in his pocket during “Update” until he didn’t need it anymore. Now it sits in a box on his desk at Late Night.”

9. Amy’s rules for guys during sex:

“1. We don’t need it to last as long as you think. 2. We don’t want to remember your penis. 3. You can’t fall asleep right after. 4. Keep it sexy. 5. Cool it on the porn and jerking off. 6. Be nice, tell your woman she is hot, never shame her, and never hurt her. 7. Work on your dirty talk too. 8. If you don’t get an erection, we know it’s usually not because of us. 9. Stay away from orgies. 10. Open up. 11. If you don’t eat pussy, keep walking.”

10. On careers:

“Your career and your passion don’t always match up. Plenty of talented people don’t have the careers they want. Plenty of untalented people make millions and make movies. There is a difference between determination and talent.”

11. On Tina Fey:

“Tina Fey is my comedy wife. I have known her for almost a double decade. We met each other when we were poor and single. Now we are both rich as shit and have husbands all over the world. People think of us as a ‘comedy team’ and I am not quick to correct them. Why wouldn’t I want to connect myself to the fiercest and most talented voice in the comedy world?”

12. On life:

“The only thing we can depend on in life is that everything changes. The seasons, our partners, what we want and need. We hold hands with out high school friends and swear to never lose touch, and then we do….Change is the only constant. Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being.”

13. On cocaine:

“In my twenties I tried cocaine, which I instantly loved but eventually hated. Cocaine is terrific if you want to hang out with people you don’t know very well and play Ping-Pong all night. It’s bad for almost everything else.”

14. On her sons:

“I love my boys so much I fear my heart will explode. I wonder if this love will crack open my chest and split me in half. It is scary, this is love.”

15. On comedy:

“One time I ran into Mick Jagger, Tom Petty, and Eric Idle in the hallway and I was legitimately mad that they were in my way, but the gratitude never left me. Comedy has not died. Someone was still letting me do it.” TC mark

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