I’m not a person that goes into a relationship to avoid being single. I am very comfortable with all the uncertainty and loneliness that singledom brings. Rather than dealing with the aftermath of messy hook-ups and short-lived relationships, I am holding out for real love. So when I was caught up in a brief whirlwind romance with a friend of a friend, I was really taken by surprise and overwhelmed with gratitude. We were so infatuated with one another. He looked great on paper and I truly believed that we had a lot of potential in having a long and loving relationship.
We dated for a couple of months and soon after that we were pretty much living together. I was in school pursuing my post-graduate education and he worked full-time. While we were playing house, I was caught up in the idea that he was going to be part of my future. It was nice having that sense of romantic companionship. He said many things that made me trust that he was a person of compromise and that he has never experienced a love like ours. He told me to start looking at wedding rings for design ideas. He introduced me to his grandparents as the woman he’s going to marry. He referred to me as the love of his life and suggested names for our kids.
We lived together for about a month before he kicked me out while spewing at me words of disrespect and insult. Days prior to that, we had attended an out-of-town wedding for a former co-worker of mine. There was an open bar and he took full advantage of it. His personality drunk is very unpleasant – aggressive, arrogant, childish, irritable, dismissive, sloppy… among other things – someone that I would have to apologize for on their behalf the morning after. As the wedding party was winding down, he wanted to keep the party going with some of my friends. No one else shared the same sentiments and collectively we decided to call it a night.
On our way back to the hotel, he decides to go to the casino and I went back to our hotel room to get ready for bed. I had to stay up to open the door for him since he did not carry a room key with him. When he got back to the room, I immediately got into bed to sleep. As he’s getting ready for bed himself, he hovered over me and demanded that I kiss him. In my half-sleep state, I did not have the energy to entertain him. He then threatened to hit me if I do not wake up to kiss him and before I knew it, he struck me on the forehead twice with his knuckles and then pulled my hair with enough force to lift me head off the pillow. The second that my head plopped back on to the pillow, I knew something really bad had just happened, but I did not know how to comprehend it. The person that just exhibited this act of aggression had previously reassured me that he’s not a person capable of assault because he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of it.
When I addressed it with him the following morning, he dismissed it very quickly and gave me a half-hearted “I’m sorry.” It took about two days for me to realize that he threatened me and then hit me with intent. Once I realized that all the other red flags and acts of aggression that occurred earlier in our relationship came to light. I was open to working through this with him, but I was holding him accountable for his actions. As I brought up my concerns to him, he deflected and said that even though he knows he’s at fault he feels burdened by it and suggested that I move out.
Shortly after I moved out and cut off communication with him, pictures of a new girl started popping up on his Instagram account. I fear for the other women that may encounter this person in the near future. Alcoholism, narcissism, aggression, obsessive need for control, and borderline personality disorder are not habits and traits that disappear overnight. The person that violated my sense of trust and safety gets to walk scot-free and it’s not fair. As a human being, I was degraded, disrespected and assaulted but I am advised to brush it off and to refrain myself from airing my dirty laundry to the public. I have no way of warning other women of this person and what I had experienced while in his presence. In any case, I hope individuals that experience any form of assault have the strength and courage to walk away because you should never have to teach a person how to treat you.