I dated the right guy and it hurts.
I know he was the perfect guy, the most simple and educated man I could ever ask for. I know he had a smile that lit up any place and gets me in the best mood even if I am crying my eyes out. I know I can never find someone like him ever again, but I am leaving, not because of him but for self-love.
I met him through a mutual friend, I was just getting to a different country and accepting new friends was the smartest thing to do. I’m catholic, he is Hindu; I’m Mexican, he is Indian; I’m 24 and he is 28. But we are both Scorpios, which sounds like an amazingly weird coincidence if you stop and analyze that other than that we had nothing in common.
I’ve been talking to this guy (the friend) about meeting someone who was not a bad, unemployed- social scoria type of guy, so when he said he had the perfect guy in mind I was excited to meet this well behaved, educated, hard working friend of his; but I never expected to fall for him, not even fall this fast.
We met a Friday, the same week I arrived. He was charming, good looking; he had an amazing smile and a laugh that melted hearts. At first we both acted shy but you could feel my excitement as he answered questions about his culture, his studies and his job; he was holding nothing for himself. His eyes were bright as he told us about every little detail on how he grew up and how he arrived to the US for school. He was excited, and I could only listen to him and stare, amazed on how proud he was of his heritage.
To be honest I didn’t expected him to ask for my number, so I was surprised when he just took his phone out and asked for it. I was even more surprised when, the very next day he asked me out. Like, on a date… A REAL DATE. We went to a small bar and talked the whole night, it wasn’t even awkward at all. I felt so peaceful and relaxed; it was as if I met him before.
Things got really nice and by Tuesday he already infatuated me, I was seating in his living room watching a movie, we were kissing. We ended up hitting it off, it was amazing. He was a good kisser; he was smart, he was great in bed… he actually went down without me asking for it. I just found a guy who had the whole package!!
The thing here is that, even if I like this guy so much, I’m not ready to commit… And I don’t think he is ready either. We talked about relationships, families, and our different backgrounds. We shared long nights in bed just staring at the ceiling and waiting for that awkward “something” that made us question what we were doing. Nothing. Nothing happened, he was still a gentleman; I was still being swept off my feet by his charm.
The time came when I literally just pushed him away, I tried EVERYTHING! Yelling for no reason, crying every time we met for some weird thing, I tried to push him away because I was starting to fall for him; I just couldn’t bare to have feelings for this perfect guy who, in a few months, would have to start looking for a bride back home, yes, in India. But I accomplished nothing. He still looked for me, he texted everyday even if I was not in the mood, he comforted me while crying, and he hugged me and made me feel better with myself.
Days passed and he became more and more important to me. He called, texted and visited in a regular basis; he acted like the perfect boyfriend and was so involved with my family by now that it was hard for me to stop from imagining him by my side in a long term, committed relationship.
I dated the perfect guy, and still tried to sabotage every single aspect of my relationship. Why? Because I was never the girlfriend. I was the best friend, the buddy… the one he counted on; I was the girl he really liked. But I knew I would never be the girlfriend. Never.
We talked about the future, about the relationship that could result from our encounters. We tried to imagine being able to actually be something more than this relationship we were having so far. Until I had to ask him to stop. I was falling for him in such a terrible way that I could not see myself far from him anymore without the thought of it hurting. We parted different ways.
Days went by, I still talk to him and go occasionally out with him. I can’t deny I still have feelings for the guy, who wouldn’t? But I try to hide them. He says he likes me, he still wants to be romantically involved with me; it’s just that he will never be as the guys I’ve dated before, I will not be able to meet the parents or to discuss if we are having one or two kids. And I know that.
I dated the perfect guy, but I guess we were not meant to be.