1.

“Have you ever really THOUGHT about Totino’s pizza rolls, though?”

2.

“My dad gave me some cash for beer, if you wanted to go grab a drink later. That might be romantic.”

3.

“Sorry I peed in my car earlier. It was the closest bathroom.”

4.

“I know I already ejaculated, but I have a weird question. Would it still make sense for you to give me a blowjob?”

5.

“Let’s consider the real differences between pancakes and waffles.”

6.

“If I was trapped on a desert island with a bunch of whores and then you, I would probably choose you.”

7.

“Did you even know you had boobs like that?”

8.

“Do you remember that time we had sex?”
(Me: “Just now?”)
“Yeah. Yeah, you have a good memory.”

9.

“If we had sex inside of an IHOP, we would be inside of an IHOP right now. Did you EVEN CONSIDER THAT AS A POSSIBILITY?”