4 Different Ways I’ve Loved Someone

1. To the first one:

I loved you so simply. It was so easy. You loved me and because of that I loved you back. I allowed myself all of the passion and ridiculousness of a first love. It never occurred to me that it would end because I was so wrapped up in everything that you were. I loved the way being in love with you felt. I didn’t even know I was able to feel anything at all. You always built me up so high, so when you left me for someone else, I fell very far.

2. To the worst one:

While still reeling from the blow to my ego and the realization that love isn’t enough, you found me on the floor. You invaded my brain. You made me love you only because someone said you couldn’t. I was a game to you. I don’t think you ever saw a person in front of you. You saw a robot that you had built. You made me better, smarter and prettier. You convinced me to lose weight. You consistently insulted my intelligence. And when you weren’t knocking me down you were building me up. Your own personal game of cat and mouse, but I didn’t know that we were playing. You took me at my worst, so afraid to feel the sting of another broken heart that I did everything to please you. I was blind to you. And you almost ruined me. I got out in just enough time to survive you.

3. To the one I should thank:

What happened between us wasn’t your fault. I know I put a lot of blame on you. I cursed your name throughout the hallways of our shared school but it wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was still so broken. It was easier to project all of these things that I wanted you — no that I wanted us to be — onto you. That wasn’t fair. We were never going to be those things. I was never that girl to you, and you never intended for me to be. I confused sex with love and then blamed you for my own mistakes. For that I am sorry. But I also wanted to thank you. For lots of things. Because of all the time I spent pining after you, I actually was bettering myself. At first it started off for you. I wanted you to notice me, I wanted you to fall for me. I threw myself into our shared passion. I worked hard because I wanted you to be proud. And because of that I was able to do amazing things. I found a love of writing and something that I was really, really good at. I also started loving myself.

4. To the one:

You met me at a time when I didn’t want a relationship and somehow I could never get you out of my mind. I was so hesitant. I wasn’t sure I was ready for something. I was sick of feeling the way I had felt for the past four years. But you knew I was ready. You came to me and told me exactly what you wanted. You were so refreshing. No games. Just a date. Just a kiss. Just you love me with no complications. You just love me. You love me for everything that I am and I love you for everything that you are. Your soul is so kind. I want to drink you in. I think that if I could take even a small part of your goodness and inject it in the world, we’d have world peace. I am so in awe of you. You surprise me every day. And I finally feel at peace. TC mark

featured image – Neil Krug

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