1. Be a boy
They don’t seem to wallow in it the same way. It might be painful for them too at the beginning but they don’t feel as long. They find your feelings inconvenient and only make you feel worse for having them. But honestly would you really want to be a boy just because it would make the breakup better? No. Being a girl rocks so don’t worry about this step. Just recognize that the boy who hurt you doesn’t care and you don’t need to care about him anymore. It’s okay if you do but neither of you owes anything to the other anymore.
2. Write it down
What hurts. What changed. What did you learn. What do you love. What do you hate.
And get a notebook that makes you happy. I chose this one, which has high quality paper so my handwriting isn’t as messy looking because the ink doesn’t run.
3. Don’t take action
There is no rush. You may feel like you still love him or you made a mistake or you don’t know what changed. If you still are confused and having doubts a few weeks or months later, then decide if you want to talk to him or reconsider the break-up.
Cry hard. Cry ugly. Play all the songs that tear you up inside and speak to the crushing weight in your heart. Even the songs he sent you and he told you make him think of you. It’s okay to let the pain of all that wash over you.
One of the best lines I heard while I was wallowing was, “When your heart breaks it feels like all the butterflies in your stomach died”.
5. Lean on your close friends, those you can trust
Don’t take everyone’s advice and only listen to those who really know the intricacies of you and your relationship. Telling lots of people opens you up to uninformed opinions and painful awkward clichés.
Don’t resent your close friends for telling you the hard truth either. If they are good friends they want the best for you and have a better perspective on how to get you back to yourself again. Even if it means they have to tell you to let go.
6. Sit down with those friends and delete everything
Even if you don’t want to forget him, even if all you want is to curl up in his arms like the first time you ever cuddled – you will feel better once it’s all gone. Block him from Facebook (it’s not permanent), delete his number, his old texts, all the things you’ve written about him, all the emails, all the playlists, and trash the gifts. You will keep in your heart the things that do matter. But they’re called sweet nothings for a reason. When it’s over they are nothing but tangible pain.
Pictures are harder. Best thing my friend did for me was move all the pictures to a flash drive, take the drive away, and delete it all from my computer and phone.
7. Now make a new playlist – power songs that make you happy and feel independent
An oldie I forgot about was Hilary Duff’s So Yesterday. Let that 2004 angst fill you up.
8. Take a risk doing something you’ve never done before
I read two poems I wrote at a slam poetry open mic in Chicago. I didn’t plan on it, I went to watch a close friend read and brought my notebook in case a poem inspired me and ended up reading my own. It was scary and a lot more people know my heart was broken than I had planned, but I felt like wonder woman when I sat back down.
9. Don’t worry about losing yourself
The best thing about being you is that you always come back no matter how hurt or broken you’ve been. All it takes is getting back to basics. Accept that you’re in pain and you will be for a while.
Eat a good breakfast, get an hour of work done, hit the gym, get lunch with your mom, and trust yourself. You may not feel like you right now, but you will. As soon as you trust yourself enough to be okay again, you will be.
10. Once it doesn’t hurt so much, rebuild your dreamland
The one he occupied so fittingly isn’t a waste. Keep the pieces you loved and rebuild it for yourself. Dream about your future and reconnect with your hopes and goals. You are still more than capable of it all so keep living a life you’re proud of. You will make it and you are stronger than you were.