Perhaps you are interested in experimenting with rougher sex. Maybe all you know about it you got from porn, or 50 Shades of Grey, or your own imagination. This is a guide from a monogamous heterosexual female about how I want my boyfriend to dominate me in bed. It isn’t one size fits all, but maybe it will give you something to consider.
1. Set some general agreements and understandings.
Personally, I find it erotic to be called names. If we’re doing something kinky, tell me I’m your little slut. It’s fine. But call me a cunt? I’ll punt your ass out of bed. Sure, it may be awkward and it isn’t necessarily sexy, but you need to communicate what you want and find out what I do not want. Butt play? Handcuffs? Choking? Blindfolding? Tying me up? Agree on a couple of code words or motions (for example tapping your shoulder) to signal that things are getting too intense and to slow down or to stop altogether.
2. If you’re going to punish me, do it with purpose.
Tell me to do something in bed, like call you “Sir.” If I don’t do it, spank me. If I do it, reward me. Kiss my hips the way you know I love it; whisper in my ear and breathe on my neck. By giving me a command, you also allow me some control over what happens without me having to say a code word and ruin the mood.
3. Reward me.
Tell me I’m a good little girl when I do something you want. Breathe on my neck. Tell me I’m beautiful. Surprise me with oral. Since you’re the dom and I’m submissive, my goal is to please you…but remember, outside of the bedroom we’re equals. Show me some love.
4. Use props.
Get handcuffs, blindfolds, ties, anything. Props help you remain in certain positions and they add some interest. It’s nice to have something in between the spanking level of your hand and your belt.
5. Get me in the mood before I even see you.
Call me when you are five minutes away from home. Tell me to start touching myself so I’m nice and wet when you get home. Tell me I’m not allowed to cum, though, because you own my body.
6. Don’t leave right afterward.
Give me a hug. Kiss me. Hold me. BDSM can feel demeaning if it doesn’t play out the way I thought it would in my head. Make sure I feel loved and supported.
7. Now that you’ve started slowly….keep going!
Experiment more. Get more hardcore. Don’t let us fall into a rut. Have “normal” sex sometimes. Ask me to dominate sometimes. Bring in new props. Bring in roleplaying. Communicate what you want and try new things.