In our world, female bodies are split into a binary—skinny and not skinny. Though I detest this oversimplification, I am part of the “not skinny” population. I am what is known as “curvy.” Here are six things I am bored of hearing:
1. “You’re so lucky to have a big butt.”
I know. It’s not so lucky when the sides of my thighs spill over to the seat next to me, but OK. I’m lucky.
2. “It must be nice to eat whatever you want.”
Yeah, it’s super-nice. However, eating junk food is not exclusive to curvy girls. You, too, can swim in a bag of Flaming Hot Cheeto Puffs after a long day on the couch. Just as I have spent days committing to a Friends marathon as chipotle drips down my face, so has my skinny roommate. We all can—and do—eat total shit.
3. “I can always count on [Curvy Lady] to get FroYo with me.”
This statement implies [Curvy Lady] is always DTFY (down to FroYo) because she is fat. [Curvy Lady] senses this implication every time. Let us retire this statement for [Curvy Lady]’s sake.
4. “I bet you’re obsessed with Mindy Kaling and Lena Dunham.”
…yes, obviously. We all are. But our love for them has more to do with their feminist platform and comedic genius and less to do with their weight.
5.“A cool trick for you to try to cut back on calories is to switch to Jack and Diet Coke instead of using regular Coke. And it tastes the same!”
6. “You could easily lose, like, 10 pounds if you just went to the gym and dieted.”
All right, let’s dissect that very scientific and very revolutionary analysis. As someone who goes to the gym five days a week, has been an athlete my entire life, eats relatively healthy and has always been 10 to 25 pounds overweight, I can assert that there are some people out there who don’t lose weight like others. They just don’t. There are also myriad curvy girls who have weighed their options between eating carrots and TGI Fridays’ mozzarella sticks and always choose the latter. This is perhaps they don’t want to lose 10 pounds. And that’s their own goddamn business.