I smoke a lot of weed.
It really is a lot — quite a bit of very good weed, smoked afternoons and evenings and the occasional mornings, packed and repacked and shared and “one more bowl”ed. I smoke a lot. I’m not the king of smoking, but if there was a weed Game of Thrones going on, I’d definitely be involved in some courtly intrigue.
But you’re not reading this for my weed related boasts. You want useful, practical advice and understanding or maybe just to read something about weed because you love it. Sure.
Here are some practical thoughts and tips.
1. It Is A Snowflake
Not just the strain or the experience, but also the person smoking it and the situation in which it’s smoked. Some perfect smoking experiences are accidental and hard to replicate. Others are fairly simple. But
2. If You Think Your Weed Has Been Laced, It’s Far More Likely To Be A Sativa Or Weird Strain
This is crucial. I have smoked weed maybe a thousand times, and have freaked out exactly three. However! Freaking out is much, much easier when you remember that you smoked some really weird weed that doesn’t work for you and that, all things considered, you’re perfectly fine.
If you’re freaked out and hyper, ride it out. Put on some TV, do push-ups, and just remind yourself that this is a weird thing, not a crisis.
3. You Forget How Great It Is
This is one of the best little surprises about weed. No matter how often or much you smoke, you enter a haze where you forget exactly how much fun you had. You can have deep, serious epiphanies that dissolve into memory, or don’t sound right in the morning.
Don’t dismiss that. Just because you don’t remember it fully doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Take notes. Jot down your ideas. Maybe they’re crap, but shit, maybe they’re not. I’ve had some great ideas high that I still implement sober. Other ideas, such as a marshmallow-filled-pie are less useful, but I’m still glad to remember it.
4. Small Breaks Make It Better
It’s important to take days and even weeks off in a row to remind yourself that you’re in charge, to recharge your tolerance to lower levels, and to re-evaluate what would happen if you smoked less. It will help you analyze why you smoke. Sometimes you’ll think “I should smoke less! I’d be so much more productive!” and other times you’ll think “right- I smoke to unwind, and it’s probably better than drinking every night after work.”
Either way, consistent breaks are good to recharge your attitude and ideas of self and smoking.
5. On Drinking And Smoking
You can drink out with friends, really drink, hang out, sober up some, and smoke a little to play video-games. That’s fine. That’s a transition. Similarly, you can smoke with friends in a beautiful afternoon, slowly sip a beer, and then gradually transition into a drinking night. Also good.
Do NOT go for the cross-fade. This is most common when you’re very drunk and would prefer to be very high. You will over-smoke to compensate, get way too messed up, and throw up on your side into a towel for most of the night like a fucking idiot.
I mean, not that I did.
6. Drinking And Smoking Part II
If you want a beer to sip while you’re smoking, look for deliciousness and savory as opposite but equally appealing facets. You’ll be drinking slowly, which is good if you want a relaxed night out, or a transition.
One beer is a great smoking snack, so to speak. Sip slowly, savor, and enjoy.
7. Beware Of Snacking
You’re going to want a small amount of a delicious snack that isn’t terrible for you.
Listen to me: you’re going to eat a ton if you let yourself. I, for one, had a New York tradition of a great bodega sandwich – turkey, avocado, bacon, very well done – and a small bag of jalapeño chips. And a beer, to cool the chips. And some of those fancy peanut butter cups to put in the freezer for dessert.
Delicious, right? And it was. So, so good.
I gained about twelve pounds in a month.
A. Lots of Fruit.
Expensive, but tasty and hypothetically healthy.
B. Frozen Yogurt with the good toppings.
It’s so indulgent and tasty and not that bad for you.
C. A Tootsie Roll Pop.
Will totally slow down your eating, taste delicious, negligible impact on your diet.
D. Kettle Corn
E. Anything Hot
It will slow you down, let you savor the flavor, etc. Make sure you have a small amount of a coolant (dairy based food) to follow it.
8. Allow Yourself Flexibility.
You may have made great plans with friends to adventure or watch a movie, but if you suddenly need headphones and music, or a nap, or meditation, take it.
Everyone is going to be fine and happier for having the freedom. Strict adherence to plans, even great plans, is going to ruin your buzz.
9. Weed Makes Things Binary
Good things are amazing. Bad things are terrible. If you’re not sure how you feel about somebody or something, even something you wrote, check it high. If it doesn’t ring true then, chances are you don’t really like it.
10. Music Well, TV Well, Etc.
I say “well” because it’s on you to do these things well. Don’t let it be a passive activity. Fight for it. Have some ambition, creativity. Weed can make you passive, but go the extra mile.
Yes, everyone listens to music. But do you have the headphones? Do you let yourself love it? Okay, yes, I’m high now but man.
TV is funny, but don’t settle for Family Guy reruns. Have you watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force at the proper level of high? It’s a cliche for a reason. Everything snaps into place. Those terrible Mega-Shark Vs Teen Wolf movies on basic cable? Perfect with friends.
Also, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is my number-one high show. It’s always good, but high? It’s exceptional.
11. Everyone You Know Smokes Weed
Use this to humble yourself and to understand that your rabbi, your parents, most of your teachers and people you see on trains smoke weed, at least occasionally. Maybe depending on your environment, that doesn’t apply, but it can help to remember how common weed is as a substance.
Remember that next time you’re blasting your weed smoking as an entire identity. Be cool. Everyone smokes.