10 Things I’ve Learned From Drinking Alone

Shamelessly, I’ve been known to hit up the local bars by myself and enjoy my inner thoughts with a pint of Lagunitas. Here are ten tips I offer to others partaking in the sacred act of solo-drinking:

1. Drinking alone is a whole different game than drinking with your sorority sister. One must value silence and awkward eye contact with the bar fly to your right.

2. There is something grand and beautiful about singularity. But, since there is no one to tell you if the bartender is actually good-looking, assume he is not and refrain from giving him your phone number.

3. No tequila. Stick with beer.

4. Don’t go to the same bar when solo-drinking. No one likes a regular afternoon drinker.

5. There is nothing wrong with flirting with other solo-drinkers at the bar. Do not go home with fellow solo-drinker, however. He could murder for a living, and you don’t have your sorority sister to assess the situation.

6. Wear something in between  “my mom is my best friend and I like to ride horses” and “I definitely have a vaginal piercing.”

7. Pick a bar which your high school/ friend group do not congregate at. Though I project no shame on he/she who drinks alone, I also acknowledge the potential awkwardness that may arise from seeing your friends while you are alone.

8. One must recognize the difference between bars, and restaurants with bars, and always choose the former.

9. Always tip your bartender 20%. No one likes a stingy loner.

10. Appreciate that you are badass enough to partake in group activities as an individual, because you are confident, and happy, and a potential alcoholic.