You’re In The Friend Zone Because You’re Not The Guy For Her

image - Flickr / Margot Gabel
image – Flickr / Margot Gabel

The friend zone will never go away, everyone is at risk of getting into it, and men are not the only ones who are at risk of getting into it. Maybe that last statement is redundant but I stand by it.

Women don’t enjoy rejecting you. (Maybe the immature bitches enjoy it.) I’ve been asked out by friends and I ensure you that telling them no is not a walk in the park. We know what we are doing to you and we hate to do it. I don’t like saying that I don’t feel that way about you or just flat out no thanks. I know it hurts and that hurts me.

Sometimes we have our own reasons for rejecting you that we really don’t want to get into. It could be something we know about you because we know you so well. It could be one of those things we would break up with another guy over. Sometimes you can be a nice guy but you can be excessively needy. Sometimes we can peg when a guy is going to be so needy that we’re scared he’ll follow us into the bathroom at the restaurant or stalk us if it doesn’t work out. The needy thing is a personal example. I’m not saying all guys in the friend zone are needy.

You might have a good personality but that doesn’t mean I’ll automatically love you. Yes, I do love a man for his personality but let me explain this. I’m friends with this woman because I like her personality. I’m friends with you because I like your personality. I’m friends with that other guy because I like his personality. In the end, everyone is unique and your uniqueness might not be what I want.

I don’t only go for jerks. I am actually sick of hearing this. I’ve dated men pretty much only after I see that they aren’t jerks. The only reasons my last relationships didn’t work out were because some of them were far too needy or we just agreed it wasn’t working out like we thought it would. If you like someone who is going for jerks, then why do you want her? Find a woman who isn’t childish and trying to satisfy some need to rebel against her parents. Find a woman who won’t yell that “He changed!” when he clearly didn’t.

Every time you look at me with those eyes, it breaks my heart. We can see that you like us or love us and you’re conflicted because we’re the only things standing between you and your desires. I know some of you are thinking, “If you see it then why didn’t you just go out with him!?” The answer is, because then it would just be a pity relationship and that’s not what you want and that’s not what we want to blow up in our face.

It’s hard to ask that nothing changes after this kind of situation but who are we all kidding here? It’s going to change. It will be awkward, it will be miserable for a moment, and if we can all push past it, it can finally be ok again. Trust me on this, she wants to be your friend and most of the time, she would rather be your friend than nothing. If you were close enough to her to develop those kind of feelings, there’s a chance you were close enough to become one of her dearest friends.

So listen. You are not in the friend zone because you’re a nice guy. You’re in the friend zone because to her, you’re just not the guy. That isn’t a bad reflection on you or on your personality. Don’t feel stuck because you don’t need to be stuck. Rejection happens but the best thing to do is to move forward. When you trap yourself in the friend zone, you make it worse for yourself. Move forward, stop looking back. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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