I live in the state of Missouri. It is in the middle of the United States. Sandwiched between Iowa, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Kansas, and Nebraska. Which should be grounds enough for insult and anger, but is also happens to contain Mark Twain’s hometown.
1. It is the worst place for a writer to live.
2. No matter where in Missouri you go, you cannot escape Mark Twain’s name.
3. If I want to go to St. Louis my GPS tells me to merge onto the Mark Twain expressway.
4. If I go camping I realize I’m in the Mark Twain National Forest.
5. If I go water skiing I find out I’m in Mark Twain Lake.
His hometown is a 30 minute flight from my house. In this town: Every single street and building has a sign with his name on it. Statues, hotels, rivers, roads, this small barn labeled “Mark Twain’s boyhood home.” He shares this town with a Titanic survivor. But all it makes me think is that Mark Twain should’ve drowned on the Titanic or died in a fire so I never had to read his awful books.
Mark Twain is the Kanye West of writing. By that I mean, super fucking annoying and overrated. Although I think I have been more impressed by Kanye West’s word play and use of the “N” word.